Kackrates the Philosopher was Deep

"You should work your whole life to go to heaven just to give God hell! Heheheh." said Kackrates, one of the greatest philosophers.

Kackrates inspired so many people because he was so deep. One day a college guy was talking to a college girl trying to impress her,
"You know what Kackrates said about that right?"
"Oh, of course." said the girl, even though she didn't, but because she was college age she was scared to have another person think she didn't know something.
"Cool, I won't bore you with repeating it," said the guy. He actually didn't know either he was just trying to impress her, "it's real deep though, huh?"
"Yeah." she said.

It worked. Then they started kissing.

The college guy grew up to be a college man who was no longer in college. Before he did that though he would go around in his youth and talk about really deep stuff. He loved deep talk. He'd start to quote his favorite philosophers, but didn't actually know the quotes. Luckily he hung around a lot of people who lied and said they knew, so no one would ever get to the quotes because they'd say "Oh yeah of course I know that quote." He tried to quote Kackrates, Moccolini, Guggo, Tantrini, and Smubby. Smubby was a good philosopher.

It's really too bad the college man didn't pay better attention to his philosophy books, they could have given him a greater perspective on existence. He really felt like a true phony his whole life. He wouldn't have just pretended to know about our planet's greatest philosophers, he'd actually know about them.

The college guy was pretty shamed by how he felt. Trapped. Not even his phony college wife could console his shame. She didn't really know either. The college guy felt there was no point in living if living was about living in this prison of shame and pretend. So he fell asleep on the ledge of a tall building and the wind blew him off. That way it wasn't suicide. He was a fidgety sleeper too.

"A damn shame," said one of the cops at the scene of his death.
"You said it," said the other.
"You know what Smubby said about killing yourself?"
"Oh, of course." said the other cop.

The good news is aside from feeling shameful and phony his whole life, he never really did anything wrong, so he made it all the way to that great heaven in the sky. There he met God. Then he really gave God hell! Heheheh. Kackrates was proud.