The Haunting of Ted Toilet

Ted Toilet woke up from a terrible dream! He shot up into a sitting position right in his bed. The dream was that bad and scary. He looked around his room, it was quiet. But he was puzzled about the sitting up part, because he was paralyzed from the neck down, so it was impossible for him to sit up, due to severed nerves--

Just then, Ted Toilet's eyes darted open! It had just been a dream about him sitting straight up. He was still paralyzed. Luckily his sexy breasty nurse, Daffodil Jones, was there to attend to him.
"I can wipe you up if you made any sleepy messes." she said, as she sat there wide awake, seated, in a big yellow nurse uniform, in the dark, eyes open, not blinking, teeth showing, hand-talons erecting, forehead horns growing--

Just then, Ted Toilet woke up in the morning! He was panting. He wasn't paralyzed, nor had he ever been, and his name wasn't Ted Toilet, it was Matt Bathroom. Another dream.
"Phew!" said Matt Bathroom, as he washed his morning face in the bathroom mirror, "I'm glad I don't have Ted Toilet's life." Then he chuckled with relief to himself and kept washing his face. Then he paused for a moment, with suspicion.
"Wait a second," he said looking at himself in the mirror, "I'm not about to, like, turn into Ted Toilet again or something am I?" he asked aloud as he turned his head toward the ceiling and to the rest of the room.

Didn't seem like he was going to become Ted Toilet. He walked to work at his boring work job.
"I'm not Ted Toilet!" he said to a man walking down the street.
"I didn't say you were." said the man.

"I'm Matt Bathroom!" said Matt to a lady walking down the street.
"Are you being a sexual pervert?" asked the lady.
"No!" said Matt Bathroom, "I'm being liberated."
"Oh well that's great then!" said the lady.

Months went by and Matt Bathroom did not wake up as Ted Toilet. Every day was a celebration that he did not have to live the life of confinement that his mental concoction Ted Toilet did.

He saw a man in a wheelchair rolling by him one time.
"Yesssss!!" he said to himself, because the wheelchair man reminded him of Ted Toilet and he was once again glad to not be Ted Toilet, the paraplegic bed-rider. The wheelchair man heard Matt when he said "Yessss!". Matt continued to live life to the fullest.

Matt enrolled in a playwriting class. He wrote a play about Ted Toilet's life. He insisted on casting himself because it was his vanity project. He reserved space to put it on in the cafeteria at work around Christmas time, when busy work was slow. A few coworkers participated in the production. He went through an arduous casting process to cast the role of Daffodil Jones. He settled on Pam Turner, a brown skinned, very attractive woman, who worked in the fax machine room. Pam's description was how he saw the part.
"Pam you're perfect. Perfect!" said Matt.
"Thank you, I've always had a slight interest in theatre, just as a hobby." said Pam.
"Let's rehearse the scene again where you threaten to wipe me." said Matt. Matt had written this scene quite explicitly and wanted to get it right.
"I think we have it down." said Pam.
"It's my art and my show, I'll say when we have it down!"
Matt began to get kind of grabby with Pam.
"Let me go." said Pam.
"I'm Matt Bathroom, don't you understand?! This is my art, this is my story!"
"I don't care anymore!"
"You're treating me like some kind of Ted Toilet!"
"Do you think you're somehow better than Ted Toilet?!" said Pam.
"Yes!" shouted Matt Bathroom, "I am better than him!"
"Find another Daffodil Jones, I quit."
"You can't quit! This is great writing." said Matt Bathroom, his ego ablaze. He had known it was great writing because his class teacher told him so.

Matt chased after Pam, down the stairs and into the street. She reached the opposing side of the sidewalk. As Matt attempted to catch up with her, he was struck by a bus and paralyzed.

Suddenly, he woke up in a bed! He'd had a dream!
"It was a dream!" he shouted.
Then he looked around him and saw he was in a hospital bed, his limbs in casts, his back in a brace, and his bare genitals exposed.
"Nurshh!" He couldn't pronounce his 'S'es very well because of the accident, "Nurshhh!!" he shouted.
The nearest nurshh approached. It was an older bald and skinny gray-haired nurse with a glass eye, named Perry.
"Yes, I see you're awake, what can I do for you?" said Perry the Nurshh.
"Tell me, ishh my name Ted Toilet or Matt Bathroom?"
"Sir, that answer is for you to decide..." said Perry.

Perry stared, smiling and giggling, until he smiled so hard that his cheek muscles contracted and his glass eye popped out.