Crabman

Crabman sat around waiting for someone to say "pinch me I'm dreamin'" so he could pinch em. Cuz he had crab claws. No one ever said that.

"Hey you know that expression pinch me I'm dreamin!?" said Crabman to Lawrence.
"Yes I've heard it before." said Lawrence.
"Well I think that is a dated expression. Because I've been waiting for a long time to hear someone say that so that I can pinch 'em to be funny, because I think it'd be real clever to really pinch 'em with my real crab claws, but no one ever says it."
"Hmm that's too bad." said Lawrence.

Crabman also had hard flesh like a crab's shell. When people were hopeful about something and said the expression "knock on wood" Crabman would knock on himself. He wasn't made of wood, but he made a knocking noise when you knocked on him.

"Hey I'm not wood but you can still knock on me and maybe your hope will stay safe, eh?" Crabman would say to people. Like Lauren for example.
"Yeah, maybe." said Lauren.
"Heh heh. They should change the expression to knock on Crabman! Then people could just knock on me."
"Yeah that'd be neat." said Lauren.

Crabman felt dumb after having that conversation with Lauren.

"Hey we should cook a pie." said Crabman to Leon, who liked to cook with people.
"Sure, okay." said Leon.
"I'll be sure to follow the ingredients with you... and not sidestep any. Heheh." said Crabman.
"Okay sounds good." said Leon.
"Yeah, I won't sidestep any..."
"Hmm?" said Leon.
"You know... crabs walk side ways... heh." said Crabman.
"Oh right, okay hehe. Yeah don't to that with pie baking. Hmmhmm." said Leon.

Crabman had a hard time relating to people because he was a Crabman. He felt his best bet would be to latch on to expressions and colloquialisms that were loosely connected to his traits him hopes that people would relate with him more. He had a difficult time doing it.

One day he met Giraffany, a lady who was a giraffe lady. She was real tall and had spots. Because she was a giraffe. Crabman saw her and was a little in disbelief.

"Are you seeing spots?" said Giraffany. She was trying to make a joke. It took Crabman a second to catch on, then he enthusiastically responded.
"Oh! Hehe... oh yes! Um.. Pinch me I'm dreaming!" said Crabman.
"Maybe you ought to pinch yourself." said Giraffany.
"Good one!" said Crabman.

The two of them had really stale senses of humor but they got along great.