College is Tough

Dopey Joe went to college and and made a collage and put it on his wall. It had all his favorite male and female heartthrobs.

"He's handsome and she's pretty!" said Dopey Joe to his college roommate Jared.
"Yeah what a hunk and what a babe." said Jared.
"Hey you should respect my heartthrobs a little more, please." said Dopey Joe.
"I'm sorry."
"Wanna get some pizza now?" asked Dopey Joe.
"Yes we can cruise the pizza place for pretty girls, that's where I hear they hang out."
"And at least if there are no pretty girls we have pizza to eat!" said Dopey Joe.
"That's true!"
"And if there is no pizza to eat we have the pretty girls and handsome guys on my wall to look at it!"
"That's true too! Let's go."

Dopey Joe and Jared went to the pizza place and ordered slices. They sat at ate the pizza and looked at pretty girls and handsome guys. Then a bad guy walked in with a gun.

"Everybody freeze!" said the bad guy.
"Even the pizza?" said the pizza parlor guy!
"Yes even the pizza!" said the bad guy.
"But this is a real pizza place, not frozen pizza!" said the pizza parlor guy.
"Uh oh I'm scared." said Dopey Joe.
"I agree." said Jared.

Dopey Joe and Jared's teeth chattered.
"I'm taking all the pizza!" said the bad guy.

Then the bad guy stole the pizza and there was no more pizza there.
"At least we got pretty girls and studly guys to look at." said Dopey Joe.

Then another bad guy came in with a gun.
"Freeze! I want all the pretty girls and studly guys in here! You're comin' with me!" said bad guy #2.

Bad guy #2 rounded up all the pretties and handsomes.

"This is scary." said Dopey Joe.
"At least we still got your collage on the wall." said Jared.

They went back to the dorm room and the collage was gone too. It had been stolen by more bad guys.

"The crime rate is so bad at this college." said Jared.

This was the worst college in the country in terms of crime rate. And it wasn't a very good school either. But Dopey Joe was dumb and couldn't get into a better one. Jared was less dumb but couldn't afford a better one.

"What do we do we can't look at my collage of studs and babes!?" said Dopey Joe, who was now calling them studs and babes because his values had shifted, clearly because of the trauma and violation he'd experienced. Then he had an existential crisis and dropped out of college and got smarter.