Leo the Lawyer Gives His All

Leo the Lawyer tried to be a lawyer all the time, all the day, all his life, he worked so hard at being a lawyer. He even went to law school. He even read the books. He even wrote down fine print real well. He couldn't do it though. He couldn't get the cases. He kept telling himself "I should quit." But then he would still keep trying to be a lawyer and not being one.

"I should quit." he thought.

He consulted friends, "I think I should quit."

"I don't know maybe you shouldn't." they'd say. 

"I want to quit. I should quit." he'd say.

Then he'd keep trying to be a lawyer. Hard. He made a commercial to try to get cases.

"Do you want someone who will fight for you? I will represent you and I will fight for you!" Leo the Lawyer said in the commercial to try to get some cases. Then he didn't get much cases and when he got them he didn't win them. Then he thought to himself "I should quit I should quit I should quit I should quit." and he kept thinking to himself he should quit.

Leo saw a case one day that he really wanted. "I want that case." he said. Then he didn't get it. "I should quit." he said next. Then he spent the next 30 years trying to get more cases and win them but losing them and saying things like "I should quit." and "This is shit, I should quit."

Then one day his heart gave out and he died but he never quit. Even though he said he should. He lived a full length life. He never quit. Then he went up to Dead Heaven and the Oh Heavenly Father of Dead said

"Hey you spent your life saying you should quit and you never did."

"Father of Heavenly Death of Heaven, have I made a mistake? Have I wasted my life? Should I have quit? Or was I a fool for spending so much time thinking I should quit? Or was I noble in my perseverance despite my desire to quit? Or was I a fool to not indulge my desire to quit? Did I do it wrong, Oh Heavenly Father of Wisdom?"

"I don't know." said Heavenly Father.

"You don't know?" said Leo the Lawyer.

"No, what are you askin' me for? Do I look like an expert or something?"

"Well I thought maybe..."

"You know, people are always asking me stuff like that, but what do I know? How do I know the answer, they must expect a lotta me, it's too much pressure. I should have an answer for 'em but I don't. I don't know what to tell 'em. I should just quit."

"Maybe I shoulda quit." said Leo the Lawyer.

Then Leo the Lawyer and Father of Heavenly Heavens both had panic attacks.