The Growth

One day Ron Ron had a growth grow out on his body. It really freaked Ron Ron out.

"Does this look bad to you?" he said to everyone.
"Yes." said everyone.

It was shaped like two turtles and it was grown out of his side. He didn't like it. He talked about it all the time.
"You better get that looked at." said everyone.

Ron Ron went to Dr. Tableman to get it looked at.
"Ooh that's a growth." said Dr. Tableman.
"Yeah?"
"Eventually it should get removed." said Dr. Tableman.

Ron Ron went around all over town and everywhere, parties, bar mitzvahs, work, elevators, anywhere where chatter was going to happen, and he would talk about his growth. It was his number one topic.
"Ugh this damn growth, ya know!" he'd say.
"So embarrassed about this growth!" he'd declare.
"It's the reason I'm always wearing big shirts." he'd explain.
"Yeah Dr. Tableman says I've got a growth. It's a growth." he would say.
"Wow. Good thing you got it checked out." said everyone.
"Yeah I'm gonna have to get it removed."
"When are you getting it removed?"
"Oh just eventually." he say.
"Why me?! Ya know!?" he'd also say.

Soon it seemed every time Ron Ron would meet someone, "So interesting thing about me... I've got this growth." He'd find fake-organic ways to bring it into conversation, "So... do you have any growths or anything like that?"
"No."
"Ah. Well I do."
"Oh. Geez."
"Yeah. Can't wait to get rid of it!" he'd say.

It was such a relief to not have to think of a new topic to talk about. Ron Ron's identity became defined by his growth. He began to rely on it for any social situation. One day while he was in the bathroom, Ron Ron's growth began to talk.
"Grub grub grub grub...." said the growth. Nothing distinguishable or eloquently formed. Just jumble jarble talk, "Grubba dub grub grub..."

This was a new trait for Ron Ron's growth. But also he thought he'd better get it checked out again. So he went back to Dr. Tableman.

"Oh it's talking." said Dr. Tableman.
"Yeah." said Ron Ron.
"That means we had better get it removed."
"Removed? Really? Uh... When?"
"Umm... next week." said Dr. Tableman.

Ron Ron went around town. He felt despondent. He couldn't believe his growth would be gone soon. Leaving him alone. To fend for himself. The thought of it being off of him became terrifying. What would life be with out it? He dreaded it's removal. He put his hands around it. He held it and wept.

Then came the big day. It was removed, the scar was stitched up and the growth dumped into biohazard. Ron Ron was depressed for weeks. Months. Then one day he finally dragged himself out to catch of glimpse of society.

"Oh hi Ron Ron, what's new?" said someone.

Ron Ron looked up frightened. What would he talk about now? Then a majestic thought popped into his head and he spoke. "Well... I had a growth removed."