Curmudgeonnifer the Cranky

Curmudgeonnifer was a cranky lady that seemed to have a problem with everything.

"Hey Curmudgeonnifer, want to go eat a sandwich with me?" said Dan.
"Mehh bread slows me down." said Curmudgeonnifer.

Then she crossed her arms.

"Hey Curmudgeonnifer, want to watch this movie?" asked Fran.
"Mehh the runtime is too long." said Curmudgeonnifer.

Then she turned up her nose.

"Hey Curmudgeonnifer, it's supposed to be a real good movie." said Fran's friend Frank.
"Mehhh my bottom gets sore in the seats." said Curmudgeonnifer.
"Guess we'll have to go together." said Frank to Fran.

Curmudgeonnifer adjusted her position in the chair she was seated in.

"Hey Curmudgeonnifer, I in love with you will you marry me?" asked Ricardo.
"Mehh fine but my finger's too fat for a ring and I wanna stay seated for the ceremony."
"You has make me the happiest man in the world." said Ricardo.
"Mehh happiness don't last." said Curmudgeonnifer

Then she spit out a date pit in a jar full of date pits. She liked eating dates.

"Would you care to stand?" asked the clergy at her wedding.
"No I wouldn't." said Curmudgeonnifer.
"Very well, do we have the ring?" said the clergy.
"Clearly this guy didn't get the memo." said Curmudgeonnifer.

Curmudgeonnifer scratched her scalp and adjusted her hairpiece.

"Are you guys excited about your honeymoon?" asked Virginia
"Honeymoon, more like Vinegarmoon." said Curmudgeonnifer.
"Oh you're a gas!" said Virginia.
"You're a gas chamber," said Curmudgeonnifer, "excuse me."

Then Curmudgeonnifer went to get a second helping of the food. Her wedding dress was getting tight. It was uncomfortable so she went and changed into her bathrobe.

"Much better." she said. "Well, much is a stretch. But better."

Then Curmudgeonnifer and Ricardo cut the wedding cake and she lived crankily ever after. Ricardo spoke poor English for the rest of his life.