The President of the United Steaks

The President of the United Steaks of America went on to make his speech. He was all dolled up real nice for TV.

"Ladies and Gentleman, our steaks are tough and they could be more tender!" he said.

He was pretty passionate, then he had a nervous breakdown. The Secret Sauce Service rushed over to him. They had to call his mom. His mom showed up. She had a walker.

"What's wrong, Pres?" asked his mom.
"I don't like steaks, anymore." said The President of the United Steaks.
"Uh oh." she said.
"I resign. I'm actually a vegetarian." he said.

It was all on TV. The steak-eating public saw it all.
"Politicians are all liars!" said the public.

The President of the United Steaks quit and packed his his things from the Steakhouse. His family moved into a small apartment.

"Everything I do, I don't know why I do it. What's the point of it all anyway? No one ever paid attention when I tried to talk about the real steak issues. Then I lost interest. I don't know how you capture the imagination of the steak loving Americans." he told his wife Jeremy.
"Now honey, I have to go get brain surgery now so I can't be bothered with this stuff that is stressing you out." said Jeremy the wife.

Then Jeremy the wife went into surgery and lost all free thought. They botched the surgery. Oops.
"Oh now I'm alone with my horrible thoughts and feelings." said the President of the United Steaks.

He ran to the farms.
"Cows forgive me!" he screamed.

The cows stared.
"You can't stop what's comin', baby." said the cows.

"Dread! Nothingness! I made it to the top of the steak ladder and it didn't make me feel full so I had another steak and it still didn't make me feel full. Then I kept eating steaks and I didn't feel better. What is there now!?" said the former Pres.

He went home and his wife Jeremy sat in a wheelchair. He spoon shoveled spoonfuls of steak soup into her mouth and it dribbled out over her bib. Her left eyelid spasmed involuntarily. The former Pres ate a radish. It was Chripsmas Day. His son opened a present.

"Wow a box of dough, thanks Dad, I love you." said his son. And that was that.