Herb Needs

Herb ate a big healthy meal.
"Wow I'm so satisfied." he said, "And I feel great because now I am so healthy."

Herb sat there pleased. Nice and full from his good healthy meal. He was filthy also.
"I could use something else though." he said.
"Oh no!" he thought.
"I thought I was satisfied and now I'm not, was I lying to myself?"

Herb really had thought he was satisfied, but then quickly decided he wasn't and wanted something more.

"I want a woman!" he said.
"No I don't want that." he said again.
"I want to watch a sports game!" he said.
"Nah no teams I like are playing." he said after that.
"Oh I will go gambling!" he said.
"No that is a bad a habit." he realized.
"I want to take up a hobby." he said.
"They all sound boring. I'm so impatient!" he said.
"I need to work on being patient and taking things in. Maybe I'll do that." he said.
"Bah who has the time for that!?" he thought.

Herb sat there tapping his foot on the ground. He tapped a finger on his chair's arm rest. He started to grit, grind and chatter his teeth. Herb stood up and paced around. He started stamping on the ground and pulling on his hair. Then he stopped and took a deep breath.

"Maybe I'll murder someone." he said.
"No that will get me in trouble." he said after that.
"Knock, knock, knock!" said a sound from the door.
"Hi, it's the mailman." said the mailman behind the door.
"Oh thank god, a person to talk to!" said Herb.

Herb ran to the door and opened it and started hugging the mailman real hard.
"I'm so glad you're here, thank you, thank you!" said Herb
"You're welcome." said the mailman.
"Did someone write me a letter?" Herb asked. "Does someone want to talk to me?" he continued.
"No you have coupons." said the mailman.
Herb looked down at the mailman's hand and he was holding a bunch of coupons.

Herb went to the grocery store and waited in line with a big bar of soap.
"Hi will this be all?" said the checkout lady.
"Yes! And look! I have a coupon for a discount on this soap! That's why I'm buying it and I'm happy now." said Herb.
"Wow that's great, what a deal." said the checkout lady.
Herb left with his discounted soap.

"Now I have to go get dirty so I can use up all the soap on cleaning myself." said Herb.
"That's what soap is for." he responded to himself.
"No use getting a soap bargain if I can't take advantage of it."

Herb went and got dirty so he could wash. While he was getting extra dirty he saw a magazine on the ground with a very fit man with muscles on the cover, there was a side caption on the cover that said "Be Healthy, Eat Healthy!"

"Eat healthy! That's what I need to do." he said.
Herb went and ate a big healthy meal.
"Wow I'm so satisfied." he said, "And I feel great because now I am so healthy."

Herb sat there pleased. Nice and full from his good healthy meal. He was filthy also.