Scary Ralph

Scary Ralph was scary. One of the scariest things about him was that he ate people. It would be really scary the way he'd eat them. Because he'd lure them all nice like into his house, like he was a nice guy. Then he trick them and kill them and eat them. That would be the part that was scary.

Goobie was a fellow who was smart. He was able to tell when stuff was scary.

"Hey I'm having a pot roast at my house and you are invited, won't you come now?" said Scary Ralph.
"Hmm. I don't know if I can." said Goobie.
"But my house is right here and you're standing on the porch." said Scary Ralph.
"Yes but I have to deliver more mail." said Goobie.

Goobie was the mailman of the block. That's why he was on the porch. It was his job. He knew the house was scary so he didn't want to be there but he had to or else he could lose the job. And he needed the money.

"But I know my house is the last house on your route because it's at the end of the street." said Scary Ralph.

His house being on the end of the street also made it a scary house. Scary Ralph also smiled and had scary teeth, if I didn't mention.

"I don't want to come inside." said Goobie, directly.
"You sure are direct." said Scary Ralph.
"I say what I want and do what I mean." said Goobie. He meant something like that. He was nervous.
"Well I have a weapon in my pocket and if you don't come inside I will kill you by eating you."
"Ah ha! I knew it. You're a eater. If I come inside you'll eat me anyway."
"That's true. I'm going to eat you no matter what. So come inside now."

This was a scary thing for Scary Ralph to say. Scary Ralph grabbed Goobie and took him inside. Goobie was strong and smart and he was smart enough to know to punch Scary Ralph in his open scary mouth when Scary Ralph lunged for Goobie with his mouth open. Scary Ralph got 9 teeth knocked out. Then Goobie beat him with a coat rack by the door until Scary Ralph was dead.

"Hello Police? I just killed Scary Ralph. He was very scary and I was and am still scared." Goobie said into the phone.
"How do we know it was self defense?"
"Because I'm not a liar."
"That's not good enough for the police, pal."
"Okay I bet if you come over here you'll find a bunch of people parts that have been eaten and don't have my DNA on em. Like feet and hands and heads and genitals, of course." said Goobie.

The cops came over and checked it out and Goobie was right. Goobie was a hero. He stopped Scary Ralph from eating more people. Goobie still had to deliver mail for money though.