The Holiday Party Bunch

Sasha's festive holiday party was going nicely.

Jerry had two bottles of vodka in his hand. Zacky had none.
"Hey can I borrow one of those?" said Zacky.
Jerry took off his sweater and gave it to Zacky.
"I wanted one of those vodka bottles, not your sweater, which you only have one of." said Zacky, then Zacky started sweating profusely.
"Here, take this sweater back, I'm sweating!" said Zacky.

Jerry took the sweater back and started sweating too. He took a swig of vodka and cooled off. He dropped the sweater on the couch and the couch started sweating too.
"It's hot in here! Get this sweater off me!" said the couch.
"Sorry, we don't know where to put the damn thing!" said Jerry who was drunk.
"I'm meant for butts, not sweaters! Put your butts on me." said the couch.
"I feel like standing." said Zacky.
"But I need sitting!" said the couch.
"I can't stand your complaining!" said Jerry, to the couch.
"If you can't stand then sit!" said the couch.

Jerry took a seat.
"Hey I still want one of those vodka bottles." said Zacky, standing.
"Okay have one." said Jerry, then he started groping the couch.
"Hey hands off, buddy!" said the couch.
"Oh sorry I'm drunk." said Jerry.
"Butts only." said the couch.

Zacky was now drunk. He sat on the couch too.
"Hey this couch is all sweaty." said Zacky.
"It's cuz of this damn sweater!" said the couch.
"Sorry. I'm a sweater, it's what I do." said the sweater.

Then Sasha came in and said "Hey everyone I slaved over this cake for the last few hours. Everyone eat some."

Everyone ate a bite.
"This cake is dry." said everyone.
"I made the cake and meant for it to be moist!" said sad Sasha.
"I'm the real loser I'm too dry." said the cake.
"It's my fault." said Sasha.
"Hey put this goddamn sweater on the cake!" said the couch.

Then they did and the cake started sweating.
"Now I'm not so dry!" said the cake.
"And you look super cute in that sweater." said Sasha.
"It's my sweater though you can't keep it!" said Jerry.
"You're so selfish Jerry, let the cake have the sweater." said Zacky.
"Okay Happy Holiday, can I have the sweater back when the sweaty cake gets all eaten?" said Jerry.

But the cake kept wearing the sweater until the cake melted and ruined the sweater.