The Strategic Gunfight

Dan Pudge had a gun. Topper Damski had a gun too. Dan Pudge didn't like Topper Damski. Topper Damski knew how to turn on the charm.

Dan Pudge pointed his gun at Topper Damski. Topper point his back.

"I'm gonna shoot!" said Dan.
"Ya might mess my hair." said Topper.
"I'll mess more than that, buddy."
"No, see I was bein' clever, didn't ya get it?"
"Oh."
"Obviously it'd mess more than my hair."
"I knew it was a joke."
"Did ya really?"
"Yeah I'm just not as skilled at hyperbole as you! So shut up!" said Dan Pudge.
"What you gonna do after you shoot me?" asked Topper Damski.
"I don't know." said Dan.
"You gonna go brag and tell someone?"
"No... Maybe." said Dan.
"Think the bragging will feel good?" asked Topper.

Dan thought for a second. He was getting frustrated.

"Ah hell," said Dan, "I don't wanna shoot you."
"Alrighty that's fine with me." said Topper.
"I'll bet it's more than fine with you." said Dan Pudge.
"I know, that was the joke I was making. Obviously it's more than fine."
"Oh. Yeah..."
"Say why was you gonna shoot me anyway?" asked Topper.
"Cuz of a girl."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"I'm gay."
"Oh?"
"Mmhmm."
"So you don't like my girl?"
"Not like you do."
"I'll be honest, I don't like her like that either. I'm gay and have been hiding it a long time."
"Well, let me know if you need any advice on how to navigate this unique gay odyssey we call life."
"Hey thanks, Topper. You know, I thought I couldn't trust you because you seem so witty and clever."
"Well, I was worried I couldn't trust you because you seem so angry and dumb." said Topper.

Dan Pudge took out his gun, emptied the bullets in a garbage can.
"I don't need this no more." said Dan, and plopped his gun in the river.
"You sure don't." said Topper. Then Topper shot Dan.

Then Topper went and robbed a bank, made love to Dan's girl and made love to a handsome man. Then he faded into history.