The Hessy Sinkle Disdain Bond

Loogart and Junny stood with cups of liquid in their hand at the clean cut gravel yard. Many gravel yard standers stood around.

"Love your thing." said Loogart.
"Thanks. You been good?" said Junny.
"Yes yes definitely." said Loogart.

Then Loogart and Junny were out of things to say. They searched and searched their minds. Then finally.

"Oh." thought Loogart.
"Did you hear about the gum smack channel that Hessy Sinkle was putting together?" asked Loogart.
"Yeah and I just have to say I think it's stupid." said Junny.
"Thank you!" said Loogart.
"Everyone keeps slurping up to Hessy Sinkle." said Junny.
"To me everything Hessy Sinkle touches turns to carbon!" said Loogart.
"Tell that to everyone who loves Hessy Sinkle."

Then Marple appeared.
"You guys talking about gum smack channel?" said Marple.
"Yes." said them.
"I'm whatever about gum smack but what I really can't stand is how Hessy Sinkle does that tail stitching thing." said Marple.
"It's gawky."
"Snip it already!"

Then Hunchie dropped in.
"I hate Hessy Sinkle's caramel socks."
"Me too!"
"Always hated that."
"It's pretentious and makes me feel like it thinks it's better than us."

Then Orvus strode in.
"Ya'll talkin' bout Hessy Sinkle? I've had enough of those stretchy bags that we can blame Hessy Sinkle for.
"They don't even work."
"I won't go near em."
"You had to try them to find out you didn't like them?"
"Yawn!"

Then Cucker drifted on by.
"Sup?" said Cucker.
"Hey Cucker, we're talking about Hessy Sinkle."
"Oh I love Hessy." said Cucker.

There was a brief pause amongst the group. Then a throat clearing.
"Hessy's great."
"I like how Hessy does what Hessy wants."
"I respect it."
"Hessy Sinkle was super nice to me."
"I think Hessy has great taste in parrot hair."

Cucker nodded. Cucker was very weighted in the shoulders and had a lot of power so no one wanted to disagree with Cucker.

"Interesting. Gotta run." said Cucker. Then Cucker left.

Loogart, Junny, Marple, Hunchie and Orvus were then scared to badmouth Hessy Sinkle after finding Cucker was such a fan so they stood around without anything to talk about.

Mutton Chop Hoghouse Needs

Down inna da deep dirt ditch down street inns Nu Dorlines, Weesiana sats a couple fellas they has some tiny disagreement. Will is they gon' work it out? Let find out and see.

Mutton Chop Hoghouse look at Dodo and say "You gon' eat dat steamay bowl o' chili?"

Dodo sit a dere with him steamay bowl o' chili. It right fronna he. But Dodo stay up to da wee hours so Dodo tired and Dodo doze off. But den when Mutton Chop Hoghouse assa bout Dodo steamay chili you betta baleez Dodo perk up.

"Oh dat my chili, you can't has my chili." say Dodo.
"Oh mama tease so bad, I wan dat chili." say Mutton Chop Hoghouse.
"Dids you wans dat chili coss it steamay?" say Dodo.
"Yahhh day why ah wan as dat steamay chili!" say Mutton Chop Hoghouse.
"Aww... I simmer thetic to ya plight, ya got tow boleeze me. But dis my steamay chili." say Dodo.

Mutton Chop Hoghouse stand up and rub on him own big belly. Den he go on and point at it for Dodo.

"You as see dis he ah big belly?" say Mutton Chop Hoghouse.
"Yee ah." say Dodo.
"Caz you tay it gonna need some chili?" say Mutton Chop Hoghouse.
"Yee ah." say Dodo.
"But you still no don gimme dat chili?!" say Mutton Chop Hoghouse.
"No naw am naw am't gona giz you dap chili steamay!" say Dodo.

Mutton Chop Hoghouse gasped.

"May camp't nabaleeze you tak o'n dat tone to me." say Mutton Chop Hoghouse.
"Well desabit time tall for desabit meezah!" say Dodo.
"Led be anness wid each over. You no gon' gimma day steamay chili cos you tank I's as irrespona'sobo wit da tasks in life." say Mutton Chop Hoghouse.

Dodo gasp!

"D'admit it!" say Mutton Chophouse!
"O'gay I gonfess... You clean up ya ak, be a betta dadda, getta chuch on time, do yah laundro, don' lee no mo pappahs and receeps layin' roun' onna flaw, and feed ya pet buhd onna regalah basis and maybe I gizz ya da steamay chili!!!!!" say Dodo.

Dis gon' hit on home hahd to Mutton Chop Hoghouse. He gon' do somethin' bout it. But now it too late ya see? Cos dat chili wain't steamy no mo... Will Mutton Chop Hoghouse still gonna clean up his act? We gots ah wait ana see.

Rudito's Big Life Decision

Rudito Farmigliano the stubby guy went to the sandwich shop.

"Lots of sandwiches." said the sandwich vendor.
"I want em." said Rudito.
"Which one." said vendor.
"Can't decide."
"Well let me know." said vendor.
"Gosh. The chicken or the tuna...."
"There's the meatball too."
"Oh now this complicates things even more."

These decisions were the hardest for Rudito because they were the most important in his life. He wanted to get it right to enjoy this moment. But he couldn't figure it out. He was standing there holding his putz trying to figure out what the hell to order. Just shaking his confused head with his ball and chain. The ball and chain wasn't his wife. Rudito was on parole and the ball and chain was part of his parole deal. He was on parole for whacking a guy in the head real hard. The guy didn't mind too much but the law did. He was also there with his wife whom he didn't love that much.

"Ugh my wife!"
"If ya don't like me, then leave me... on any curb. Thank you." said Marira the Wifey. She was a wisecracker.

Meanwhile Marira the Wifey was having an affair, and the affair was with a dullard named Carlolo the Studmuff, who had a great body, and he made it real shiny and sheen-like when they met up.

"You like my shapes don't you?" said Carlolo the Studmuff, every time.
"Yes." said Marira.
"I'm pretty fit, right?" he said.
"Yes." she said.

But Carlolo got real used to meeting up, so he stopped making it shiny because the affair meet up started turning into like a routine like a marriage. Marira obviously was bored too.

"Ugh my affair..." he'd whisper to himself.
"If ya don't like it go back to your wife." said Marira.

But Carlolo's actual marriage was boring too because he married Ritita the Wifey when he was young and she was a lady he thought he was in love with, but Ritita couldn't really talk to him real, she could only put on a show to make sure people thought she was interesting which made her very hard to talk to and she liked to talk about just herself and herself for a long time and because Carlolo also wasn't interesting he would just tune out and let her. Plus he was very into his shiny body. Sometimes in the beginning he would try to talk about himself to compete then he gave up and she talked about herself the most.

Anyway it was Carlolo that got whacked in the head real hard by Rudito, and that's because Carlolo found out about the affair. Rudito didn't really care either though because he was bored with his wife, who was bored with Carlolo who was bored with his wife, who was boring but thought she was interesting. He just whacked Carlolo out of routine because that's what he thought he was supposed to do when he caught his wife having an affair. Everyone was stuck in a routine and everyone stayed that way and where they were and Rudito had to drag a literal ball and chain around to the sandwich shoppe.

Rudito eventually went with the tuna but changed to meatball and the very last second.

Mintmouth Says Goodbye

Mintmouth was was like "Someone kiss me pleeeeease!!!"

And the mint fanatics came running! It was chaos. It was madness. They wanted that minty kiss.

But first let me rewind a bit. Mintmouth was a huge star with all the potential and acclaim someone could dream of. But he was shrouded by protection always. This was a new thing for him. The mint leaves grew from his gums. And his mouth was always smacking on some gum. Fresh, fresh, fresh smells. Everyone wanted a sniff and a whiff and a kiss. Boy what a talent he was!

In recent months Mintmouthmania had taken off, making it difficult for Mintmouth to function properly. He couldn't go sit on the merry-go-round and read a newspaper clipping like he used to be able to. But, with all his success he was able to buy his own merry-go-round and sit on it with his newspaper clipping all in his home. He couldn't walk around sticking his pinky deep in his ear without someone taking a picture and criticizing it. But he could do it in his big fancy home.

"It'sth noth theh sthame..." he said. Mintmouth had a speech impediment.

Things started getting dark.
"Mintmouth I wanna be you!" said fan kid.
"No you don'th thkid." said Mintmouth.

So now let's go back forward. That's why Mintmouth was like "Someone kiss me pleeeease!!!" out in public. To all his adoring wild fans. It was ploy for self destruction. Mintmouth was kissed to death and trampled by all those Mintmaniacs wanting to get a little taste. What he was really saying was "Someone KILL me pleeeeeeease."

He had purposefully thrown in the towel. He couldn't take the heat. It was too hot.

"I can'th take the heath, Jerry." he told Jerry his confidante, shortly before he took his final plunge to trambledom. Jerry was a snake who wouldn't listen. Jerry just wanted the money!

"Minty, baby, you got the smooches, you got the kisses, you got the goods. Everyone wanna piece and you're gonna be legendary, ain't it worth bein' legendary. Hey you like dairy? How abouts I got gets us some cheese crunchers them's a good snacky and we'll chomp em up but it won't affect you cuz you got that golden minty mouth. I miss my mom." said Jerry.

Jerry mentioned missing his mom cuz he knew this would tug at Mintmouth's heartstrings and Mintmouth would keep Jerry around because of sentimental stuff. Mintmouth also killed himself because a more dirty image guy, Cheesenose, was starting to come up and be big time.

The boulevard that Mintmouth died was named after him. But then Cheesenose also took a nosedive from grace and the whole distract was named after Cheesenose.

Crummy's Spit Bucket

Crummy had a bucket of spit. He wanted someone to sip it.

"Hey wanna sip on this bucket of spit, hehe?" said Crummy.
"No ewww you gross grub toucher!" said Motano.
"Darn." said Crummy.

Crummy walked with his bucket of spin all over town. Up the hills and around the mountains and through the gates and past the true believers and onto the promised land and back to the trenches and behind the walls of glory and into the womb of humanity.

Nowhere could he find a person who would sip a bucket of spit. He tried reasoning with people.

"If you do it it would be neat, hehe!" said Crummy.
"No I think you're a scuzzy needlehead!" said Horace.
"Shoot." said Crummy.

Crummy splattered a little bit of the spit on the sidewalk by accident.

"Oh no, not that spit! I wanted it in my bucket." said Crummy. Then Crummy cried.
"Oh no, booo hooo. I lost some spit and I wanted the bucket to be full and also have someone take a sip of it."

Then the Fairy showed up.

"Why what's wrong Crummy?" said the Fairy.
"Boo hoo hiss piss I wanted someone to sip this bucket of spit and I lost some spit and it hurts my heart." said Crummy.
"Why don't you spit in it to add more spit?" said the Fairy.
"Hey you're a genius I never thought of that." said Crummy.

Then Crummy spent hours spitting in the bucket of spit to get more spit in it.

"Boo hoo I'm sad again because still no one will sip it." said Crummy. Then the Fairy came back.
"Why don't you sip it?" said the Fairy.
"Hey good idea... I never thought of doing that." said Crummy.

Then he took a sip of the spit. "Ew it tastes wet. And it's gross." said Crummy.
"That was gross." he said again. Then he pointed his mouth to the side of his face and thought.
"Well I guess it's on to the next thing." said Crummy.

John Jiggler

John Jiggler walked into the dance house party and they were playin' the most boppin' tune and he bopped so hard to it.

"Hey don't bop here!" said the bouncing baby boy.
John Jiggler stopped. "Who do you think you are?" said John Jiggler.
"I'm the bouncing baby boy! I kick you out when you do wrong!"
"But boppin' ain't wrong." said John Jiggler.
"Too bad, I'm a baby! Now lemme see your ID." said the bouncing baby boy.

John Jiggler left and he was mad cuz he was in a boppin' mood. He sat around kicked and spit and shook his fists and he said damnit. Then he called his mommy.

"Mommy I'm so mad I can't bop. It's what I wanted to do."
"Well you have to do something else instead I guess, dear."
"Aw man, mom."
"Yep." said mom.

John Jiggler thought. Then he scratched his head too hard and his scalp kinda bled a little. Pretty gross. It wasn't too bad though, but it would sting when he shampooed later. Anyway so he thought and pouted, then his nice mommy's advice rang true.

"Yes it's time to do something else."

So he went to a jumpin' joint to dance up. He walked in and they were janglin' a tune. He started scootin' and a skittin'.

"Hey watch out for this feller he's a real bedlamite!" said the barkeep Honky Cutlass
"Yah!" said Pam the hard workin' backup dancer with a heart of silver.
"I kinda like it though. I won't stop him or nothin." said Honky.

This bar's bouncing baby boy came up and started crying. But it was cuz he needed a diaper change. Meanwhile John Jiggler was scootin' up a storm, the weather guy walked in with his news crew.

"Wow the forecast is that a storm's a comin' take cover!" said the meteorologist.

Then John Jiggler started cuttin' thru the rug and cuttin' thru the floor and thru the earth's crust toward it's core and it struck oil and everyone was like "We're rich!" then it struck lava and it burned up John Jiggler, but he didn't have to worry about the scratch on his scalp burning in the shower, then the lava came up and burned up most of the town. But historians named the town Jiggletown and maybe it was a coincidence.

Brone Droner Gives Down

Brone Droner was beat down by life and wife and son and gun and gum and chum.

"Don'tcha wanna get up and take me by the honches??" said life.
"Mo..." said Brone.
"Don't you wanna do the dishes and be a good husband?" said wife.
"Mo..." said Brone.
"Don't you wanna teach me my homework?" said son.
"Meh." said Brone.
"Don't you wanna protect your home and family from me?" said bad guy intruder.
"Mar..." said Brone.
"Aw man cmon." said gun.
"Do you wanna chew on me already?" said the stiff gum that sat in his mouth.
"Mrrr..." said Brone.

Then the stiff gum just rested in his teeth.

"Knock knock knock." said the door.
Nothing said Brone. He sat there.

"Do you wanna answer me?" said the door.
"Mo..." said Brone.
"Hey it's me Gecker!" said his friend Gecker from the other end of the door.
"Hey Gecker." said Brone.

Brone wasn't as beat down by Gecker so it wasn't as difficult to response.

"Say, wanna go fishin'? I got 2 rods and a bucket of chum!" said Gecker.
"Mmmoh mm..." said Brone.
"Aw man, ya let me down." said Gecker.
"M'm tired of all you." said Brone.

"Awwwww." said life and Mom and son and gun and gum and door and Gecker and chum. And the intruder who was watching TV before he planned on taking it.

"I like this show." said the intruder.
"Mot so much you, Gecker." said Brone.
"Oh. Well that's a relief." said Gecker from behind the door.

Then Brone kept doing not much and sitting around and the people and things around him made best the best they could and then some more time passed and it turned out that Brone was actually not the good guy in the story he was the bad guy the whole time.

"Mmy think mm the good guy..." he thought to himself.