Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Bloartina and Fern Keep a Secret

Bloartina and Fern were a loving married couple. Bloartina had freckles, short shaggy hair, and wore denim button up shirts even though she was a lady. It's how she expressed herself. Fern had really frizzy and fluffy hair. Fern was kind of meek and quiet as well. As if she had a secret.

They would hold hands and give each other tiny little single kisses on the lips.
"This is the woman I love!" Bloartina would shout to the world, as she squeezed her arms around Fern.
"He he." Fern would say.

They had a nice big dog named Duffo. Duffo was a funny doufus. His color was black and white and brown and merl, which is like grey. He would run around chasing his ball or his squeak toy. They kept a collar on him because they were responsible.

"Honey!" said Bloartina.
"Yes dear." said Fern.
"I love running my fingers through your pretty hair." 
"Thank you sweetie."
"And I love putting my hands on your hips." said Bloartina as she put her hands on Fern's hips.
"Thank you baby." said Fern.
"And I'm gonna give you anything you need if you need, you just let me know."
"I will, sweet stuff."
"And ain't this the best big doggie you ever seen?" said Bloartina about Duffo.
"Roof!" said Duffo, then he ran away and shook his doufus doggy butt.

They had such a nice happy relationship. They would have conversations like this all the time.

One time Bloartina and Fern went to pick up some snacks at a convenience store. They walked there with Duffo on a leash, because they were responsible. Bloartina went inside for the snacks and Fern waited outside with Duffo.

Bloartina grabbed a big bag of chips. A creep showed up and tried to rob the place. He pointed a gun and knife at the store clerk.
"Gimme the money, everyone be cool. No one gets hurt!" but he had a crazed look in his eye like he might hurt someone. Fern watched from outside.

"Hey don't do that, young man!" said Bloartina.
The creep turned around.
"Shut up lady!" he said. Then he put his knife in his gun hand and punched Bloartina. Bloartina's arms flew up and she fell backward into a chips stand. 

Suddenly the creep dropped his weapon, the gun went off when it dropped but luckily it only hit the slushee machine, which sprouted a fountain-like slushee stream. His arms stiffened and his eyes rolled back into his head. The creep's forehead started to sweat, swell, and bubble. His cheeks started to make a slappy jiggle noise. Duffo barked from outside, his ears were hurting, the poor doggett!

The creep rattled and shook and made a constipated face. The racks in the store moved backward and screeched against the floor. Then the creep's head exploded and his body collapsed. The red blood and brains mixed in with the slushee colors and it was pretty.

Bloartina looked outside to see Fern go from an intense stare to an overwhelmed sigh and relief. Fern had used her rare extra sensory technique to disarm the creep and make his head explode. No one else knew about it except for Bloartina. Bloartina seemed like the tough one of the two but it was secretly Fern. This was their little secret. Duffo the dog was safe too.

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