Thursday, November 13, 2014

With Passing Days

Alice and Thomas were a beautiful white couple. They wore pastel colors. Their hair was trimmed and hedged perfectly. Alice's with swirling unnatural curls that could only be achieved by frequent attention from a hair curler. They were white. Such a glorious perfect white. They loved each other dearly. Romance was a high priority. They had a brick fireplace in their home. They ate nice meals, cooked from perfect recipes.

"You're my everything." said Thomas.
"I was made for you." said Alice.

One of Alice and Thomas's favorite activities was to cuddle up together on a tall couch with many pillows and watch their favorite television program titled With Passing Days. It was a romance show. The characters of Travis and Kit, on the show, were perfect. Alice and Thomas were obsessed. They modeled their whole lives after these TV characters, Travis and Kit. Same clothes, same sunglasses, same simple problems to overcome. Alice and Thomas would get very upset for the episodes where the characters would have relationship troubles, but they were always happy when the characters wound up together and happy again at the end.

Across the country, on one of the coasts, in a stuffy television production office, Irwin Blurmenstein schvitzed over the completion of the latest draft of his episode of With Passing Days. He was integral to the character development of Alice and Thomas's favorite characters, Travis and Kit. He thought what he wrote was garbage. Irwin also had wet stains on his armpits, sweat speckles on his balding forehead, a crumb in his beard, and digestive trouble. Irwin packed up his typewriter and went home for the day.

Irwin walked into his home and was greeted by his wife Fran.
"You're a creative failure! And nothing you've ever written has been worth while!" said Fran.
"You think I don't know that?!" shouted Irwin.
"You're a pawn! They just push you back and forth!" said Irwin's wife.
"It's a living!" shouted Irwin.
"I'd be happier with drug money!" shouted Fran
"I'm gonna show you, Fran! You'll swallow those words and need a glass of wine to choke them down!" shouted Irwin.
"You think you're so poetic when you say things like that, don't you?"
"Yes!" said Irwin.
"Well guess what? I've been having an affair with a real man. He's a writer too. Better than you!"

In from the back walked Ted Crown, a television staff writer and co-executive producer on the acclaimed television show Lawyer Up. He was very slick.

"Hello Irwin. I'm moving in, you're moving out." said Ted Crown.

Meanwhile, back at Alice and Thomas's house there was big trouble. Alice was working on a casserole recipe and realized it called for more butter than she had. They did what Travis and Kit would have done and went to the highest rated restaurant in town for a wonderful evening.

Irwin was furious and upset. He went back to his office, because he had nowhere else to go. He stayed up all night slaving over a new draft of the episode. He wrote a love triangle episode where Travis and Kit's marriage fell apart because Kit cheated on Travis with a mysterious new character name Manuel. Subsequently, Travis realized he was homosexual. Irwin was not homosexual, but he was in the zone and thought it was an inspired idea. Irwin was certain this idea was too good to make it on air. Somehow, by a miracle, it did!

When the episode aired it destroyed everything Alice and Thomas knew. They could not comprehend it. Their marriage suffered quickly and fell apart. Irwin was let go at the end of the season.

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