Friday, November 14, 2014

Mickey Bigtime's Big Score

Mickey Bigtime was out of jail. He was happy to be out of the slammer but he still had that itch.
"I gotta make a big score." he said to himself.

He called up Tony Titters, who always giggled.
"Hehe, what's happening Mickey Bigtime?" said Tony Titters.
"I'm lookin' to make a big score, you in?" asked Mickey Bigtime.
"Hehe, I don't know, I don't do that stuff no more." said Tony Titters.
"Are you sure? Gonna be a lotta money!" said Mickey Bigtime.
"Hehe, okay I'm in." said Tony Titters.
"Now we just need a team." said Mickey Bigtime.

Mickey Bigtime and Tony Titters started doing exercises to get ready. They did pushups to get strong and walked on their tiptoes to be dainty. The daintier they were the more quiet they could be when they were making their big score.

Next they called Clock Armstrong. He was the muscle of the group.
"I don't do that stuff no more." said Clock, on the telephone, as he lifted a free weight.
"It's gonna be some big money!" said Mickey Bigtime.
"Hehe." said Tony Titters, who was standing behind Mickey.
"Okay deal." said Clock. Then he hung up.

Next they went to Sheila Bottoms, the best safe cracker in the biz. Did I mention she was sexy too?!
"Sheila baby, we need ya for the team." said Mickey.
"No, Mickey, not after you broke my heart."
"You broke my heart, babe!"
"I'm out!" said Sheila.
"But no one cracks safes like you, you got the magic touch."
"I got a good business goin'."
"You stand to make a lotta money, off this." said Mickey Bigtime.
"Okay I'm in." said Sheila.

They had their team assembled. They planned to crack into the Nun School. There was a big safe with a lot of money there. That was their plan. They met a lot and fine tuned their plan. It seemed perfect. Then the day of the heist they all daintily tiptoed into the Nun School.

They were real quiet and dainty, like they'd rehearsed. They made it across the hall without a peep. Everyone was excited. Especially Tony Titters. Tony let out a little giggle, "Hehe." And before the whole group could shush him they were interrupted by an even louder "Shhhhhhhhhh!" coming from across the hall. It was Sister Mary Schusterman. The biggest shusher of them all. She was giving a big loud shush, sure to shake the school and all it's inhabitants. They'd been busted. What were they gonna do?

"Get her!" said Mickey Bigtime to Clock Armstrong.
Clock went in for the attack on Sister Mary Schusterman, and she pulled out a set of nunchucks because she was a Nun. She was good with 'em too. She beat up Clock Armstrong.
"You guys are in big trouble." said Sister Mary Schusterman.
"Whoa, whoa, Sister Mary, let's make a deal," said Mickey Bigtime, "Yeah, you caught us trying to break into the safe, but what if we let you in on this? It's gonna be a lotta money." he continued.
Sister Mary looked around, realizing this deal was too good to pass up, she tucked her nunchucks into her habit and said "Okay I'm in."

So Sheila and the team went to-a-drillin' on that Nun School safe. They rubbed their hands together with enthusiasm for all that money. Then the cops showed up.
"Hey cops, gonna be a lotta money, want a piece?" said Mickey.
"Okay!" said the cops.

Then Internal Affairs showed up.
"You're busted, you crooked cops!" they said.
"How bout a piece a the money?!" said Mickey.
"Ooh sounds good." said Internal Affairs.

Then the Mayor showed up and said, "Not in my city!"
"How bout a cut a some a this money!?" said Mickey.
"Make it a big cut and we got a deal." said Mayor.

Then the city showed up and said "Hey Mayor, you're corrupt!" Then Mickey Bigtime was like, "Gonna be a lotta money, city, you want in on this?"
"Okay" said the city.

Then the FBI showed up and said "Taking payments like that is against federal law." Then the Mayor was like "I'll do what I want it's my city, my voters. Back off, big government!" Then Mickey Bigtime was like "You want in? Gotta be a lotta money." And FBI was like "Yes."

Then they all went and hacked more into the Nun School safe, but the Vatican showed up and said "Hey, what are you doing that's Nun money!"
"You want a piece of this? Gonna be a lotta money!!" and the Vatican said "Okay sounds cool."

Then Jews showed up and said, "Hey listen, you need help managing that money? Someone's got to help you invest and keep it organized. We are only asking for a small percentage of each cut." The Jews stood to make a lot of money off each individual percentage, it was a wise investment of their time and work.
"That sounds reasonable." said Mickey Bigtime and everyone else, except this one white guy who said he didn't want no dirty Jew handling his money. This threatened to upend the whole heist situation.

"Listen white guy, you stand to make a lot of money off this thing, how bout it?" said Mickey.
"Okay sounds good." said the white guy.

The team was really big at this point. Everyone was working together. They cracked the safe and everyone got money and they shared all their tons of money and everyone was happy forever always, because of money.

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