Sunday, November 16, 2014

The Babe

Bippy had the major hots for The Babe. He was always trying to get The Babe's attention and impress her. He'd show her his cool shirt that looked shiny in certain light. He went out and bought it in hopes of getting her attention. He had saved up money because he thought he had heard The Babe had gone on a date with a guy who had a shiny looking shirt. Bippy's shiny shirt was met with polite patronization from The Babe.

Bippy tried all kind of things to get The Babe's attention, jumping around in her presence, talking extra loud when he knew she was walking by, putting on sunglasses and playing it cool in the background. The Babe was only mildly interested in him. She'd give him a "hello" or even an "oh, hi Bippy," but she had so much attention from Heroes, Hunks, and Studs, that Bippy was just no match. Bippy was discouraged.

It's possible that Bippy was just too transfixed by The Babe's appearance, because if you got beyond a small talk conversation you'd see it was pretty desolate.

Bippy realized he needed to be bold so one day he marched right up to her and said, "Hey Babe, I'm super friendly, wanna go on a date?"
"Oh I'm so busy, but thank you for asking." The Babe responded.

Bippy was no dope, he could read between the lines. He heard loud and clear that The Babe had no interest in a guy like him. He gave up all hope.

He sank into a major sadness. Why wouldn't The Babe like him? Garbage started to accumulate in his apartment, it made a big mess, gunk built up, little pieces of paper collected on the linoleum and carpet, fuzzballs grew into apartment tumbleweeds, scruff grew out on his face, unevenly. Even a single strand of grey pepper grew, which caught the light from certain angles and made him look especially haggard and sad.

Earl Friend came over.
"Bippy you gotta clean this place." said Earl.
"What's the point? No one's comin' over here."
"I'm here." said Earl.
"No The Babe."
"Bippy, you gotta risk it all or go for broke, buddy, ya hear me?" said Earl.

Bippy didn't understand, but he pretended he did and it motivated him enough that evening to take a big risk, he was going to send The Babe a message. He rang her up, whilst atop his homestead heap of crud collection. He had zero expectations, but he wanted to do something gutsy, just for himself.
"Ring, ring." said phone.
"It's The Babe!" said The Babe.
"Babe, it's me Bippy. What do ya say you get over here and I'll show you a good time." said Bippy. Wow the brass on Bippy. The Babe was taken aback.
"Uh... Okay! Give me about an hour and a half and I'll be there." said The Babe.

Bippy hung up. What had he done? He couldn't believe it. It actually worked! He had nothing to lose. That's why.

But oh shit! His place. Bippy moved into overdrive. He had an hour and a half. He cleaned his place hard, did his dishes, washed his socks, scrubbed under his sink, filled trashbags with gunk and fuzzballs, shaved his scruff, including the single grey pepper.

It was a remarkable clean and scrub job. The Babe was going to be so impressed by what a nice organized place he had. It was time, ten minutes till The Babe arrived.
"Ring, Ring." said the phone. That was definitely The Babe calling to announce she had arrived and was parking.
"Hey Dippy,"
"Bippy," said Bippy.
"Bippy, right," said The Babe, "Listen I just realized I'm feeling busy right now and I cannot make it, hope that's okaaaaay."

Bippy's heart sunk.

But hey, his place looked really nice.

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