John Buggy hated everything. He couldn't stand the stuff. Everything sucked, he thought. He also had gross rotten teeth.
"Pleugh, that's terrible!" he said.
"Guh, that's awful!" he complained.
"Oh, I can't stand that guy." he whined.
"Every time I see that thing I want to gouge my eyes out." he told people.
John Buggy definitely would get real worked up about it.
"Geez John you sure are a tough critic. Have a little more fun." said Bland Jill.
"Hey, John are you sure you aren't being too harsh, because I like the stuff." said Dull Gertrude.
"Awww c'mon you're being mean!" said Gentle Frank.
People started to steer clear of John Buggy. John's contempt of so many things began to wear on him as well. He felt awful. He started to wonder if his fury over his dislike for stuff was very bad and affecting his place in the world. He figured he'd better work hard to change. And he did. Instead of saying stuff was terrible he started saying it was great.
John Buggy went around everywhere and started to declare everything as wonderful. Even when it was legitimately terrible. Even when his instinct was to piss on it. Even when he wanted to fry it in the garbage disposal.
"Wow did I love it!" said John Buggy, about one thing.
"Hey that was pretty cool." announced John Buggy, he told everyone, about another thing.
"It might be a first of it's kind in the history of stuff! I think it's great." said John Buggy, even though he was wrong about it being the first of it's kind.
People started to warm up to John Buggy. People started to like John Buggy. People started to invite John Buggy to things. People started to tell others what a wonderful guy John Buggy was.
"Hey, I wonder what John Buggy thinks about this, I trust his opinion!" said people.
Buggy was the toast of the town. He started dressing real fancy and nice. His hairstyle looked like a gelled shiny looking slicked back cube shaped box. His skin got tanner.
"Babe, I love your stuff!" he told amateurs and big-time rollers alike.
He even got new clean white teeth that he showed off to everyone.
"These look great!" he told the dentist.
From the outside view of a telescope one might say that John Buggy seemed like a phony. No one up close noticed that his loving everything was strange. John Buggy worked his way into getting a big bimbo wife with boobs and no personality. They had a bunch of dumb phony kids who lived in a bubble. John loved them and told them everything they did was great.
But buried underneath all that love for stuff, there was a deep, dark, burning, rotting, volcano of critical hatred ready to erupt.