Sunday, November 9, 2014

The Best Criminal Jest

Bart Puffer had tall hair. It stuck up high. Everyone always made the joke "Looks like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket, ha ha!" Bart heard that joke a lot. But he liked his hair how it was because he got attention, and he wasn't very interesting so he needed something to give him attention.

"Looks like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket!" said another fellow with a great sense of humor to Bart, as he walked to get his morning muffin the next day.

"Looks like bla bla bla socket!" said the lady he had a business meeting with. Bart was walking on air from this attention.

One day Bart woke up and his hair was laying flat down. He couldn't get it to stand up tall like usual so he stuck his finger in an electrical socket and his flesh burnt to a bubbly crisp. His hair caught on fire and became a liquified fleshy ooze. When the paramedics and police investigators showed up they pronounced him dead and said "Looks like he stuck his finger in an electrical socket."

But don't worry about old Bart Puffer. The police started digging into Bart Puffer's backstory, with their investigation lead by Detective Frowntown, a detective who wore a tie and Blublocker sunglasses. The more Frowntown dug, the more unraveled. Bart Puffer's DNA implicated him as the murderer in a string of unsolved and already solved criminal cases.

As a result, Big Zacky Buckets, a convicted murderer, walked free and received a pardon.

"It's good to be free. I have lost a lot of time, but I am happy to have my freedom. It's a bittersweet and emotional day." said Big Zacky Buckets. Then Big Zacky Buckets went to an ice cream shop and stayed there for two days eating ice cream and crying.

"Ah still thank ee did it!" said Durkus Foldoon, the town skeptic. "Ee keeled them peepull an ah wawna see um burn fowr it!" Which is ironic, because Bart Puffer wound up burning.

Anyway, Durkus ran into Big Zacky Buckets one day walking down the street and they started to get into an argument. Big Zacky Buckets had learned patience in prison because he had lots of time to think about stuff as an innocent man. He calmly explained that he had been exonerated of the crimes because Bart Puffer was the murderer. Then Durkus understood and they became friends.

"Ah thank at's pretty funny that his hair stood up real tall lak an lectrical socket. Ha ha!" said Durkus.
"Yeah me too what a great joke." said Big Zacky.

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