Thursday, October 30, 2014

Bad Bullies on Dweeb Duty

Melvin Puberty was a little twerp. He had a pocket protector clipped on his underwear and the pocket protector got pulled over his head. He got his head flushed down a bowl of soup. He sat around and put Elmer's Glue all over his hands and peeled them off. That was pretty cool. But bottom line. Melvin was a twerp. A dweeb. A dunderhead. A little wimpy weenie!

Melvin was much smaller than the other guys. It seemed like he hadn't hit puberty yet. One guy who picked on Melvin was Dale Armpit. He was a shaggy, cruddy, dust muffin. 

"Hey Melvin, why don't you go run off and make some good grades!"
"Okay fine, I will but you better not pick on me." said Melvin.
"Shut up! Before I beat up your lunch money!" said Dale. 

Dale didn't know how to pick on people very well. Melvin was still scared and ran off. He tripped and dropped his Trapper Keeper. 

The next day Dale Armpit and Billy Snott cornered Melvin.

"Hey Melvin, how those good grades comin?!" said Dale.
"Fine." said Melvin.
"Prove it dweeb! Lemme see your progress report!" said Billy Snott.
Melvin showed them his progress report. They laughed.
"Heh! Pretty good grades, dorkus!" said Dale Armpit.
"Yeah just what I expected," said Billy Snott, "the geek is pretty smart!"

Melvin was terrified by this horrible torment. He ran away. 

The next day Brian Buttpatrol, Dale Armpit and Billy Snott cornered Melvin Puberty.

"Hey Melvin! We all got hair on our balls." said Brian Buttpatrol.
"Do you?!" said Dale Armpit.
"No... not yet." said Melvin, nervously.
"If you don't have 'em now, you're probably never gonna get em! Ha ha ha!" said Billy Snott.

Melvin was mortified. And shamed. He ran off. This harassment had to stop. He was going to think of a plan. He did.

The next day Melvin Puberty marched right up to the bullies and said, "Hey guys, I know you guys are big and I'm small, but I'm going to drink a bunch of milk and that will make me grow and be strong. Milk is good for your body and your brain. So keep that in mind next time you pick on me like you do!"

The bullies were outraged. Speechless. They looked at each other, wide-eyed, in disbelief, as if their manhood had been stripped. They didn't know what to do. 

Melvin walked away chugging a carton of milk. His body severely rejected the dairy, and he had to go run to the toilet and spend the rest of the afternoon with painful gurgly diarrhea that lasted three days. 

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