Saturday, October 4, 2014

The Ominous Don and Nonthreatening Gary Dynamic

Ominous Don and Nonthreatening Gary were best pals. They'd go everywhere together. If someone tried to pick on Nonthreatening Gary. They'd get a look at Ominous Don and go "Hey never mind keep your hot dog." Because Gary would have a hot dog. And people would want to eat that hot dog.

One time they were at a hot dog place and Nonthreatening Gary went to the counter.
"May I have some ketchup?" he asked.
"It's way over there by the condiments." said the lady at the counter. Then Ominous Don popped up behind Gary and made eye contact with the counter lady.
"Or actually I could just give you all this ketchup in packets I have right here so you don't have to walk!" said the intimidated counter lady.

Don and Gary left with tons of ketchup. This dynamic was a real power they could wield.

Stiff Biff came a walkin' into the hot dog joint.
"I love my hot dog with packet ketchup, not the pump ketchup, could I get some ketchup packets?"
Stiff Biff was about the same height and build of Ominous Don. He was stiff so he was often mistaken for emotionless, which in turn made him seem ominous.
"Um, we're actually out of ketchup packets..." said the counter lady.
"You're out?" said Stiff Biff, in his deep stiff voice.
"Yeah, I gave the last of the packets to the ominous and nonthreatening gentlemen who just left."
Stiff Biff could tell the counter lady was real nervous. He wanted to disarm her fear.
"Don't worry." said Stiff Biff. The counter lady took an exhalation of relief.

Stiff Biff thought he and the counter lady had chemistry. He couldn't do anything about it because he was in a marriage, but the marriage was loveless, which contributed to his stiff emotionless nature, which in turn fueled the loveless quality, because Stiff Biff's wife required more emotion than Biff could give. Nevertheless, he felt a need to protect the counter lady in that moment. He also felt a need to get ketchup for his hot dog. Because he was in a marriage already, the hot dog took priority.
"I'll be right back." he said to the counter lady.

Stiff Biff beelined for the door. Down the block he saw Nonthreatening Gary and Ominous Don. He ran after them. They were pleased with their wealthy score of ketchup packets.
"Geez, wow I like all this ketchup." said Gary.
"Hey." said Stiff Biff.
Ominous Don spun around.
"Who goes there?" said Ominous Don.
"I'm Biff. I wanted some ketchup from you guys."
"Is that so?" said Don.
"Yes I prefer it from the packet, not the pump."
"Hey I recognize you." said Don.
"You look kind of familiar too." said Biff.
"Did you go to Happy Street High School?" asked Don.
"Yes I did."
"Me too, that's neat, I remember you."
"How neat," said Biff, with a pained but sincere smile, "could I have some ketchup?"
Don began to respond, "Shhu--"
Nonthreatening Gary leaned over and whispered into Don's ear.
"Oh, actually, we were going to eat it all." said Ominous Don, with a slight unconfident crack exposing his ominous facade.
"I see." said Stiff Biff.

Nonthreatening Gary had had the upper hand the whole time.  Biff stood there as they walked away getting smaller. Passersby caught glimpses of Biff's eyes, innocence shattered. He'd had enough. He knew he had to do what was right. The wife, the counter lady, the ketchup, now this? He had to break this prison.

"Wait!" Biff shouted with non-stiff emotion.
Stiff Biff ran back toward them. They turned around and watched him approach.
Nonthreatening Gary looked as nonthreatening as ever. Stiff Biff arrived at their feet, pulled his raised  elbow back shot his fist as hard into Nonthreatening Gary's face as possible. He hit Gary so hard Gary's hair fell out as Gary hit the ground.
"Gasp!" said Ominous Don with his mouth held open. Ominous Don was speechless for a moment. Then he spoke.
"Thank you!"
"You're welcome." said Stiff Biff.
Ominous Don looked at his hands and wrists as if he'd just been freed of shackles.
"I'm free!" he said.
"Go be free." said Stiff Biff.
Ominous Don floated into the sky toward the trees and waved goodbye to Biff.

Biff went and made love to his wife.

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