Monday, October 20, 2014

Granny the Prankster, Granny the Sleuth

Granny Whitehouse was a giggler and a prankster. She would often put firecrackers in her underwear. "Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo! That was a crackler!" She'd say.

Granny pranked everyone. She looked and talked like a sweet old lady, so no one expected it from her. Sometimes she'd have visitors to come keep her company.
"Oh Dearie, have some sweet toast, with my yummy spread I made myself."
"Thank you, Mrs. Granny Whitehouse," the visitor would say.
Then they'd bite into it and there'd be a piece of aluminum foil under the spread.
"Ew it tastes like metal!"
"Wee hee hee, that's not the homecookin' you'd expect from someone who looks like me, right? I gotcha!" Pranks like that. She was the master of deception.

But she most liked playing pranks on herself, to find amusement, when there were no visitors around. It truly made her feel comforted. She and her neighbor's cat would laugh and laugh about them. That's why she'd put firecrackers in her panties. She was pranking herself.

Sometimes she'd put mousetraps in her closets, so when she'd reach for her sweater they'd snap.
"Ooh! It hurts! I got me!" Then she'd grab her hand "My fingers are sensitive, but the thrill of the prank is worth it!" So she kept pranking herself.

The mousetraps that caught her fingers never caught any mice. She did have a mouse problem though. It was always alleviated by the neighbor's cat. Almost always. Neighbor Cat would usually come snatch and kill the mice in her house. One week though she noticed the mice weren't getting killed. And she was laughing alone at her self pranks, instead of with Neighbor Cat.

Granny went to investigate. She grabbed supplies; magnifying glass, soft sneakers, so she could tip toe around the neighborhood, etc. She peaked in every house window. Where could Neighbor Cat be? She also would leave grocery store bought shrimp water juice at the windowsills, porch ledges, and door handles of all the houses. Both because the fishy shrimp water would attract the Neighbor Cat, and if that didn't work, it would really start to stink, and function as a great stinky prank!

Granny Whitehouse put on her sleuthing cap real good and finally found the most suspicious house in the neighborhood. She peaked through the window. What did she see? It was a gang of Goombas! Holding Neighbor Cat tightly!

Granny Whitehouse's friend a hostage. She listened carefully.

"Dis cat gonna help us sniff out the prized diamond mouse!"
"And the good guys will be dead."
"Then we'll be rich!" said the Goombas.

Granny covered her mouth in fear. She had to figure out a plan. What would she do? She held her breath, as not to make a peep, and thought hard. Just then, firecrackers in her panties started sizzling and soaring and whistling.

"Oh no!" she said out loud. What a prank she'd played on herself.

The Goombas reached out the window and grabbed her. Granny's Navy Seal training kicked in. She broke Goomba #1's finger and shoved it in his ear, gouged Goomba #2's tongue deep into his own throat, causing him to choke, she squirted the shrimp juice in Goomba #3's eyes, and the concentrated amounts of lactic acid caused his eyes and face to burn. There was some dumb bimbo sitting there, probably a Goomba girlfriend, Granny snapped her neck, just in case. Then she scalped the Boss Goomba with a pair of fingernails clippers in record time, and shoved his head of hair down his throat. All while her panties smoked, whistled, and burned. She had a high tolerance for pain. Granny grabbed Neighbor Cat and left, all without leaving a finger print.

On the way out she spotted some squirrel droppings in the yard and couldn't resist meticulously collecting large amounts of it to leave in a burning bag on the porch. Neighbor Cat and she went home and ate all the mice together. Gotcha! Granny chewed on a rubber mouse, to prank herself, while Neighbor Cat ate real mice.

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