Friday, October 3, 2014

The Spice of Life Can Burn: A Cautionary Tale

Dull Daryl constantly needed spice in his life. He had weak senses. He had to turn up the volume on music. He could not listen to things with atmospheric dissonance. He needed loud rock. He needed extra pepper on his food. He needed movies with extreme emotional arcs and twists in the plot.

"Hey Dull Daryl, seems like you're a real wild one." said Assumption Nancy.
"No, Nancy you're wrong. I actually would prefer things be not so wild, but I just don't notice them otherwise."
"Oh I guess I should have gotten the whole story before I blurted out what I said just now." said Assumption Nancy.
"It actually didn't seem like much of a blurt. Believe me I know blurts." said Daryl.
"Seems like you're really misunderstood." said Nancy.

Nancy was always jumping to the first version of an idea she'd think of when she'd think of something. She saw two people sitting quietly next to each other once, "You're probably in a big fight, try making up!" she said.
"No we're meditating together and you just interrupted us." they responded.
"Oh that's the opposite." She said.

Nancy told that story to Dull Daryl.
"Geez I wish I could meditate. It's too dull."
"Why don't you? Because it's so boring probably."
"Yes that's exactly why." said Dull Daryl.
"You mean I was right?!" said Assumption Nancy.
"Yes." said Dull Daryl.

They were shocked for a moment, and looked into each others' eyes. Dull Daryl grabbed Assumption Nancy by the arms and started making out with her, which turned into passionate wild sex in a public place. Dull Daryl knew he couldn't just go on a regular date and get into a simple relationship with her. That would be too dull. Poor guy.

"Okay we got a call about a complaint about you two." said Officer Squally.
Daryl and Nancy kept going at it.
"You have to stop because this is indecent exposure," said Officer Squally, "guess I'll have to take you to jail."
Officer Squally took them both to jail. They got out on bail.

Daryl and Nancy wanted to see more of each other but Daryl needed things to be wild. So they decided to go on a crime spree and rob places. They accidentally killed a guy. It was really on purpose but they said they didn't want to do it. Daryl's excuse for everything was that he couldn't handle dull things. They indulged themselves too hard.

They were on the lamb for a while causing trouble in the nation and became media folk heroes who's legend was they rallied against dull things. The message got confused though because people didn't know if they should call him "Wild Daryl" or "Dull Daryl". It's like when people get confused about whether "non-fiction" is the one that means it's true or not true.

Dull Daryl wore himself out real hard with trying to make things not dull. He trying drinking every bodily fluid, he murdered a guy, he was a cutter, he put dirt on his pizza. He did drugs too. He lived it up too hard. Assumption Nancy did the same thing, she was always too quick to make judgements about situations without the proper information.

Well the law caught up with both of them. And they were relieved. Dull Daryl went to prison which was just what he needed. A strict and painful routine instead of complete chaos in his options. He was rehabilitated and began to love simplicity. Assumption Nancy had plenty of time in jail so she read books and learned to be patient. They both died in jail away from each other and then rotted in hell with tons of people just like them. Except when they went to hell they reverted back to their unreformed ways for some reason. That was a strange rule of hell that hadn't been disclosed in famous literature about the place.
"Hey this place hell is wild, I love it!" said Dull Daryl.
"Everyone here is probably evil, right? said Assumption Nancy.

No comments: