Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Dobie the Dunce's Hero

"I love Ranger Mike!!!" cheered Dobie the Dunce. Dobie was probably Ranger Mike's biggest fan. "One day I'm gonna meet Ranger Mike! It's going to exceed all expectations! Ranger Mike is my hero."

Dobie went to the Range Convention where Ranger Mike was scheduled to make an appearance.

"I'm excited to be here! Gotta meet Ranger Mike! Gotta meet Ranger Mike! I can't wait!" said Dobie to the noisy convention center.  Dobie had a potbelly.  He did not wear a propeller hat or anything that doofy looking though.

Dobie knew all the best trivia about Ranger Mike. "One time Ranger Mike rode a horse. Ranger Mike became a Ranger after Ranger Charles. Ranger Mike loves mayonnaise!"

"We are sorry to inform all you Ranger fans, here to see Ranger Mike, that Ranger Mike will be unable to attend our Range Convention today." said an announcement over the convention speakers.

"I'm sad," said Dobie the Dunce. "I wanted to meet Ranger Mike."

Dobie fantasized about meeting Ranger Mike, what it would be like and stuff:

"Why Dobie, how would I carry on as a Ranger, without your devoted fanship?" Mike would say.
"Well it's no small feat, but it's what I do."
"It really is a miracle that I have a fan like you. You're doing the Lord's work."
"I know, but it's what I love."
"I love you, Dobie. You're my favorite fan."
"Oh I almost forgot," Dobie reaches into his purse and pulls out,
"A mayonnaise popsicle?!" exclaims the elated Ranger Mike, "you must have really done your research on me to know I love mayonnaise."
"I did. Thank you for noticing my work."

Dobie would cook up scenarios like this many times during every day.

One day Dobie went to buy a bag of chips. While he was waiting in line he saw Ranger Mike in front of him buying a bag of different chips. Dobie got real excited to talk to Mike.  But then just as he was about to speak to Ranger Mike he noticed that Mike had a different bag of chips than Dobie. Uh Oh. This was a scenario that Dobie had not prepared for. There's no way in hell Dobie was going be seen with a different chip brand than Ranger Mike. He wouldn't be able to open with "Hey we have the same chips." How would they have a connection over different chip brands?!

Fully aware that his window was closing to meet Ranger Mike, Dobie improvised.
"Ranger Mike I am a big fan of yours and wanted to meet you!"
"Buzz off, Dunce." said Mike, and walked away.

Dobie cursed the brand of chip he held. How could he be so stupid as to pick that chip brand? He never ate that brand of chips again, but not before sinking into a very deep depression.

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