Kirk Baggum got himself a new car. It wasn't a car just for practical driving around. He got it because it looked damn sweet. He liked the way it looked. He liked the way he felt when he drove it. He liked how it looked parked on his driveway. It was red.
"Damn, lookit that ride." he said about it, as he watched it sit in his driveway.
Kirk loved his sweet red car. He wanted it to treat it real nice. He wanted all the folks to be jealous of it. He liked runnin' his finger across it. One day it rained. The rain stopped and quickly dried up, but that doesn't mean it didn't leave rain spots on Kirk's sweet ass ride. Kirk was pissed. Pissed, but determined. Determined to clean the sucker.
He got himself some car wax. He waxed that baby up. Oh mama, did he give his ride a sweet smooth wax. It squeaked and it shined. He wore his jeans and no shirt when he waxed it. He waxed it and moved his hips as he worked a hard groove onto the paint of the sweet ride. He got a therapeutic high from giving his car a wax job. He loved waxing it hard.
"Damn, lookit that shine." he said to no one but himself, as he waxed the car.
Kirk waxed his car regularly. He began to keep it waxed and smooth, as a daily habit.
"Kirk you always out here waxin' that thing." said Dana, Kirk's hot bimbo big boobed babe girlfriend.
"Baby, I'm workin' aright?!" said Kirk.
"Want me to spray it with a hose?"
"No baby I did that already, you can't spray after waxing and I just waxed." said Kirk.
Kirk didn't know if that was even true but it sounded true enough to get his girlfriend off his case. Dana was sad. She was a feathery haired blonde bimbo and all kinds of guys would kill to have a crack at her, meanwhile Kirk's too preoccupied with waxing.
But boy did he love waxing. He loved to listen to music with saxophone solos and wax his car. His jeans seemed to get shorter the more he waxed. Kirk also began to get more preoccupied with his waxed red car than anything else.
"I wax you good, don't I?" he whispered to the car.
The more beautiful he saw his car, the more ugly his reflection became. He liked to lick his car. One day he tried to have sex with his car somehow. It was at night time so all the stories about it are inaccurate because it was hard to see in the dark, but legend has it he rubbed his genitals on the car to try to have sex with it.
His bimbo girlfriend Dana left him. Kirk moved into his car. His car was all he cared about. It didn't matter. As long as he could wax and wax. One day Kirk put his bare rear buns on his waxy car and moved his muscly bottom around on it, getting aroused. He was arrested for indecent exposure.
"Dang, that ain't far." said Kirk.