He was best friends with Alopecia Felicia, who didn't have any hair. She was real skinny too, and strangely sensual looking. Hairy Michael looked like a monster and Alopecia Felicia looked like an alien. They were quite a pair. They'd known each other since school. He liked her a lot but was scared to tell her or make a move.
"We are such great friends." said Felicia.
Everyone thought they were a couple anyway, because they seemed like a compatible pair. Everyone also thought they were weirdos. They were. But not because of their hair issues, Hairy Michael was a picky eater. And Alopecia Felicia saved every catalogue she got in the mail. He was a real pain to choose a place to eat with and what was she going to do with all those catalogues?
Hairy Michael would shock people when he'd touch them because his hair would always rub against carpeting and there'd be static electricity. Because her skin was so smooth, static electricity would always cause things to get stuck to Felicia, like her dress, saran wrap and other hair.
One night Hairy Michael and Felicia had a fling, it was an accident that just happened. Hairy Michael was glad about it. Felicia was feeling lonely.
"Did you have a bad time?" asked Hairy Michael in his hairiest voice.
"No, I can't believe that happened. I'm unsure of my feelings. And there's so much hair in my bed now." She seemed to avoid any serious discussion.
"I have a vacuum cleaner in my car."
He helped her vacuum the bed but the vacuum cleaner got clogged and broke.
"I can fix it, I swear." said a nervous Hairy Michael. He really wanted her approval and hoped this meant more romantic time together.
Hairy Michael got hair all over Felicia's home.
"Oh I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed."
"You know what, don't worry, watch this I got an idea." she said.
Alopecia Felicia proceeded to roll around all over the floor, bed, wood panels, tile and curtain. All the loose hair from Michael clung to Felicia because of that static thing I mentioned before. She stood up.
"Wow!" said Michael, "I need you around me all the time- I mean, ehem." He worried about how that came out, he didn't want to completely expose his emotional hand.
She was covered from head to toe in Michael's excess hair. Michael loved Felicia even more.
"I should shower this off." said Felicia.
Felicia looked like a skinny and mini-Hairy Michael.
"Wait," said Hairy Michael, "you'll clog the shower, trust me it happens to me a lot."
They went into the backyard to hose Michael's hair off Felicia, then put the wet hair wads in a dustpan, then into the garbage. While hosing Felicia, the water glistened on her hairless scalp, brow and body. Her neighbor Doug Hicks gawked over the gate.
"Man ya'll two is like a couple sexy ugly monsters or somethin', no offense." said Doug Hicks.
Felicia got frightened and jumped into Hairy Michael's arms. Because she was wet, more hair attached to her wet body, covering her completely again. They looked like two sasquatch lovers. Michael was feeling pretty good and hopeful about it all.