Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Dirty Mouth Ricardo's Dream!

Dirty Mouth Ricardo was a bad boy but so lovable that you couldn't ignore him. He loved to do this little twinkle toes dance shuffle. His twinkle toes dance was his pride and joy. They called him Dirty Mouth because that's his name and also he's got a real dirty mouth if you give it a good close look.

One time he was really wanting his twinkle toes dance to get some attention because he was so good at it and put his heart and soul into it. You could say it was almost his life's work. Like it would be hard to deny that he cared about this twinkle toes dance. He'd do the dance and your eyes would just ping pong between watching his toes twinkle to his hips shimmy-shaking to his pleased-with-himself facial expression and then back to this twinkly toes. Pretty cool. He also was a messy guy and had a pee-pee stain in his underwear often but don't judge him for that, because probably more people have that than you'd even guess, like the President, or a doctor, you know? They didn't call him "Pee-Pee Undies Ricardo", because they might as well have just called him "Ricardo" if they were gonna call him that, because that's nothing of note. But his Dirty Mouth was of note. It was all grimy and you just get a look at it and you know it's dirty, understand? Like little stringies from lip to lip, and dark foamies at the mouth corners.

So listen, Dirty Mouth Ricardo heard there was a position opening for the one and only twinkle toe dancer at the new dance station so he went and knocked on the door and told Greg, the guy there, he'd like an appointment to talk about wanting the job as the twinkle toes dancer.

Greg was like, "Hey I'm Greg I'm the guy who is in charge of picking the twinkle toes dancer. Maybe we can meet the Monday after next Monday?" Dirty Mouth was like, "Geez okay is there a sooner time?" Greg was like "No." Then Greg rescheduled it to even later in the day before the meeting.

Dirty Mouth Ricardo finally got to meet Greg to say he wanted to dance, and made his pitch, "I definitely think I am the best twinkle toes dancer you're gonna find and I am certain you won't find a better twinkle toes dancer."
Greg tapped his feet on the ground, rubbed his hands together and took a big breath through his nose.
"Here's the thing Dirty Mouth Ricardo, I am thinking of giving this position to a person that you think is not as good at twinkle toeing."

Not ready to take no for an answer Ricardo responded,
"But I am the better choice. I know I am!"
"Yes I know, but instead I think I will give it to someone less deserving. You know? It's a tricky decision, you know?"
"But I want it!"
"Sorry you probably can't have it."
"Is it because I have a dirty mouth? Because that cannot be helped. I was born with a dirty mouth and cannot change it, it does not reflect my ability to twinkle."
"No, definitely not because of your dirty mouth. My advice to you is either find another way to be satisfied doing what you love or quit forever."
"Motherspitballs!!" dirtied Dirty Mouth.
"Hey watch your mouth, Dirty Mouth! There's children in here!"
Dirty Mouth looked over to see there was a kid on the couch.
"I believe in you, Dirty Mouth Ricardo, I'm a wise but impressionable young child."
"You be quiet little boy," said Greg, "now please excuse yourself Dirty Mouth. I have to go and sit here the rest of the day."

Years later the little kid grew up to be just like Greg because he spent too much time with Greg. And no one knows if Dirty Mouth Ricardo quit twinkle toe dancing forever or pursued his dream. What do you think he should have done?

Regardless, though hundreds of years later archaeologists discovered Greg's remains and were able to determine that he was a real worthless shitty guy. So that's kind of cool, right?

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