Saturday, September 6, 2014

Support Group

Way off in a plain old metropolitan everytown, probably not too different from yours, there's a support group of people with stupid and unbelievable conditions. These conditions were so magical and beautiful that they really made you think about life and even made some people cry from having feelings when they'd hear about the ailments.

There was Ivan Bogwell, who had this dumb unbelievable condition where if he changed his mood he would... die. That's right. He was only able to have one feeling. Just one. So because it was easier for him to be mad all the time than happy he was always mad and he wasn't allowed to be happy or he'd die. Isn't that poetic? Are you gonna cry?

Suzy Honk ran the group, she had the same condition as Ivan, yet she chose to be happy about everything. Even sad stuff, so she had to be happy when friends died and war and stuff. So sad right? Are you gonna cry?

Smope Bensington, who had a rare condition that really exists, where if he lied someone he loves will die. He always found himself in wacky hijinks because he wanted to lie. Doesn't that pique your curiosity about him? I've got to see what kind of situations Smope has gotten himself into.

Sparky, who owned a family bus built by his grandfather and if the bus went over 50 mph Sparky's heart would stop. Pretty easy fix, he just made sure not to drive the bus. But I can't help but wonder what would happen if the bus were to get stolen, eh?

Magpie Butskin, a young lady who at the age of 58 was gonna turn into a baby and start all over. Wow what a beautiful condition. Are you gonna cry?

There were other people in the group too with wacky and heartwarming conditions. One week at the meeting there was a new anxious looking new guy in the group.

"What's your name and what is your ailment, fella?" asked Suzy in her chipper tone.

"Me? Well... My name is John... Blah. Yeah. I have a bad bad condition where I get sick if I talk too much... I better be quiet now. Oh, also I heard my fingers will fall off if I indulge my compulsion to steal!"
"Well we know our wallets are safe around you, at least!" said Ivan.
"Exactly." Said the new guy.
"Well John Blah," Magpie said to the new guy, "it's fine with us if you stay as long as you like."
"Great." said John.

Obviously the new guy was a big liar and up to something, but these support group people were too wrapped up in their conditions to pay any attention. Turns out he was a failed Hollywood script writer who didn't have any ideas, but found his way to this support group meeting to steal these peoples beautiful troubled lives and turn them into premises for beloved movies.

He was responsible for such celebrated works as "Emotional Spotlight of the Singular Feeling", "The Distinct Situation of Bogwell's Mood", "Liar Die-er", "Charlie Snowflake", "The Belly Button of Magpie's Baby" and "Jenny Sparkles Water Park of Wonder".

One guy from the group, Charlie Snowflake tried to express his frustration by writing poetry but somehow he wound up stuck inside of his poem for all of eternity. So sad.

The screenwriter stole all their sad and beautiful life stories and made a fortune. They were mad about it, but what could they do? One of them, Bronstone Meriwether, tried to take revenge but his head exploded as soon as he got the idea to take revenge. That was his ailment that he couldn't take revenge on people without that happening. Pretty beautiful, huh?

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