Friday, September 19, 2014

The Eager Little Talking Balloon

Jeremy the cutesy-ootsy-hooty-tooty little balloon sat in a bag full of balloons.
"Someone please blow air in me! That's all a balloon really wants!"
"I want someone to blow air in ME!" said Ron, an adjacent balloon.
"I want someone to put water in me!" said Brett the balloon.
"I want someone to put drugs in me." said Sally the balloon.

Like the most balloons, little Jeremy's dream was to be pumped full of air.
"Blow me up real big, someone, please." he said. No one but other balloons were around to hear him, though. The whimpering and whining of other eager balloons drowned out his whimpers and pleas.

"I need it! I can't stop thinking about it, my mind is racing, it's like I need that air to breathe!" said Jeremy. He really was obsessing.

Then a set of giant, to them, but tiny to the rest of the world, kid fingers reached in the balloon bag and rifled around.
"Pick me! Pick me!" said Jeremy.
Jeremy got picked. What a victory he felt.
"Oh thank you so kindly!" said Jeremy.
"I got balloon!" said the grubby kid who picked him.

The kid yanked, pulled, and stretched Jeremy all around.
"Ooh! Oh! Eee! Ow!" said Jeremy.
Then the kid put the balloon blowhole on his slobbery filthy kid mouth.
"Yes that's right..." said Jeremy.
The dirtkid took a deep breath.
"Here it comes..."
The little brat held onto the breath to give it more blow power...
"Come on already!"
The snotnose's forehead and cheeks started to turn red from holding.
"Blow!" screamed Jeremy.
And the little brat expelled every particle of air he had with all his might. But it wasn't enough. He was one of those dirty chubby grubby kids who didn't have the lung force yet to fill a balloon with air.

"This balloon ain't work!" said the cruddy little pudgeboy.
Little bitty cutie Jeremy was devastated, I'd say deflated but he'd have to inflate first! Am I right? Poor little cutie talking balloon...

Then all the sudden, a hero for the ages stepped in.
"Gimme that, boy," It was Dale, the dirty pee-pee boy's trash mouth daddy.
"I'll show ya hower's done!"
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy..." said Jeremy.
Dale filled the balloon with seemingly no effort because he was a tough crusty dude who could blow easy.
"Wuhhhh??" thought Jeremy as he expanded to the point of slow mental function, "I'm so full I can't think." he thought.
"There ya go, kid." said Dale, as he released Jeremy in the air without tying the blowhole.

Rather than flying through the air like a helium balloon, Jeremy fell to the ground and sputtered out with a lame pffft.. He sat there for a few hours feeling unfulfilled. His expectations were maybe too high of how great it'd be to be filled up. Suddenly he heard a loud pop and the remains of Sally, fell to his side.
"Hey." said Jeremy.
"Hi..." said a sheepish Sally.
"This stinks." said Jeremy.
"I didn't get filled with drugs." said Sally.

They chatted for a while and fell in love. Luckily the city had a recycling program where they hired people to sift through the garbage. So when Jeremy and Sally finally got disposed of they were recycled and turned into a single balloon. They were together. Until someone else at a local business retirement party popped them. They they got recycled with this balloon girl Trish and turned into sneaker soles. Then they got walked on, worn out, and degraded on city sidewalks and on dirty mountain hikes.

No comments: