Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Fiasco at the Mall

It seemed like a normal day at the crowded mall. People were walking around. Lyle saw Shelby.

"Hi, how are you!?" said Lyle, as he reached out to shake hands with Shelby. Shelby put her hand forward and shook his hand, then their hands both exploded because of repellent pheromones or chromosomes or something.

Anyway blood and bone and hand particle got everywhere. Even on Denny.

"Splat" said the bloody hand piece as it hit Denny's shirt.
"Hey I love this shirt! What gives??" said Denny.

Then Denny realized what had landed on him.
"Ooh! Yum yum yum!" Denny was a bloodlicking freak and he started licking the blood and sucking on the finger bones right then and there.

Denny had outed himself as a blood eater.

"That guy's a blood eater! Get him!" said Larry the bystander.
"I'm a cop, I'll get him!" said Officer Jones, who was an undercover security guard.
"Ew those guys' hands blew up!" said Becky the bystander.

Back over at Lyle and Shelby, they knelt before a few pieces of their bones and muscle on the floor. Lyle picked a piece of bone up.

"Is this yours or mine?" he said.

Shelby reached for the bone with her handless hand to take it.

"Oops wrong hand!" said Shelby.
"Hey how come you aren't screaming?" asked Lyle.
"Because I'm in shock." said Shelby.
"I'm in shock too." said Lyle.
"I think you're handsome." said Shelby.
"You're handsome too." said Lyle.
"Thank you." said Shelby.
"I'm gonna kiss you."
"Okay." said Shelby, and then she puckered.

Lyle leaned in to kiss her.

"Wait!" said Shelby, but it was too late. He kissed her and both their heads exploded. Because of the pheromones thing. There was probably some better scientific explanation. But it's beyond my science comprehension. I swear this stuff happens.

Anyway, so their heads exploded. This caused all hell to break loose. People were scared and screaming. They ran around flailing their arms. People threw their department store purchases off the balcony. Kids got separated from their parents. Teenagers stopped holding hands.

"I gotta pee-pee!" cried and whined a little kid.
"Just pee yourself, kid, you have my permission right now because shit's going nuts." said his babysitter, who was a guy.
"Hey boys shouldn't be babysitting, can't you get a real job?" said a guy who worked at a video game store.
"Like you?" said the male babysitter.
"Yeah my job rules!" said the video game guy.
"Well you're a sexist pig who doesn't love children!" said the male babysitter. Then he punched out the video game guy. Meanwhile the kid peed and kept peeing.

"Now the blood eater is licking the brains off the floor!" shouted Larry the bystander again.
"Yum yum yum yum!" said Denny the blood eater.
"Get em!" shouted Larry.
"I'm on it!" said Officer Jones, from far away.
"Huh? Who me?" said Denny, as he popped his head up. Then he looked around and made a run for it.

Officer Jones lost Denny in the confusion of the crowd. Denny got away. He knew his love for eating blood would get him in trouble, so he went home and set all the pictures of his face on fire and also set his own face on fire. Then Denny called 911.

"Help! I'm a guy whose face is on fire!" he screamed into the phone.

911 was able to save Denny's life, but not his face, which is what Denny wanted. Denny got to eat some of his own face blood from the burn and he got a new face. They took his skin off his butt and thighs and put it on his face. No one could identify Denny as a blood eater. He was free to sneak eat blood until he got caught again.

"I wouldn't change a thing." said Denny at the end of his life.

Still sad for everyone else. Lyle just wanted to be nice.

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