Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Snotman's Adventure

Snotman was stuck in a guy named Blarp's nose. Blarp was a grossie. He had scabs and itches all over.

"Hey baby, why don't you smooch me?!" He said to Delilah.
"Ew, no way, Blarp. Don'cha know you're a grossie?" said Delilah.
"Well too bad no one told you, but grossies are good kissers."
"That can't be true!" said Delilah.
"It's one hundred percent true." said Blarp.
"Okay I'll test your theory."

Then Delilah leaned forward and smooched Blarp. Real wet and sloppy like. Delilah had just put a bunch of pepper on a bowl of egg salad. She didn't do it for the taste as much as the aesthetic. She liked all those black dots speckled all over that chunky yellow egg bowl of goo. Anyway, she put so much pepper on there that the pepper got on her nose and lips. So when she smooched Blarp, Blarp got a big whiff of Delilah's pepper nose. This caused Blarp to sneeze real big.

"Ooh baby you're a good kisser but, haaaa.... haaaa.... haaaaa.... haaa-chooo!" he said and sneezed. Blarp sneezed so hard that Snotman, who was stuck inside of Blarp's face went flying out onto the pavement.

"I'll see you suckers later!" said Snotman.
"Oh man there goes Snotman." said Blarp.
"Wow he escaped!" said Delilah.

Snotman scurried off down the sidewalk.
"I'm gonna go on an adventure!" said Snotman.

Harvey walked by with his dog Giupetto.
"Right this way, boy. Right this way Giupetto. Good boy." said Harvey.
"Pant pant pant pant pant." said Giupetto.

Harvey spotted Snotman on the sidewalk.
"Oh no look out Giupetto!" Harvey said, as he yanked Giupetto's leash back so Giupetto wouldn't step in Snotman.
"That was close!" they all said.
"I didn't wanna get stepped on."
"I didn't want Giupetto to step on you. That would have been gross!" said Harvey.
"Speaking of gross, Blarp was back that way, and he's a grossie."
"Oh, well I don't know Blarp."
"I came out of his penis." said Snotman.
"That's so gross." said Harvey.
"Just kidding, I came out of his nose." said Snotman
"That's less gross, but still very gross." said Harvey.
"Yeah. Lotta gross stuff out there." said Snotman.
"Including you." said Harvey.
"Pant pant pant... Woof!" said Giupetto.
"Well we've gotta go. My girlfriend is waiting. We're gonna eat popcorn and watch a movie like a healthy functional couple." said Harvey.
"Have fun, I'm gonna continue on my adventure." said Snotman.
"Glad we didn't step on you, bye."

And Harvey took off down the sidewalk. It started to rain. Snotman got rained on real hard and thinned out a lot. He got runny and dribbly. The rain stopped and the sun came up, because it had been night. The sun dried all the rain and Snotman. Snotman was stuck to the sidewalk. He was crusty, flakey and dry. But that was adventure enough for him.

"I love this sidewalk. I want to spend the rest of my days here." said Snotman.
The sidewalk loved Snotman too. They were so happy. And that was all of Snotman's life.

No comments: