Halbert Bigjeans woke up one morning from a deep dark heavy sleep and took a big stretch. He stood up. He took a big morning breath. Some might call it a yawn, but he was up for the day and ready to take it on, not sluggish and ready to say goodnight.
"Here I come day!"
Halbert walked to the bathroom. He couldn't wait to get a look at his big handsome face. He looked in the mirror. His face was all splotchy.
"What in the hell?!" he said.
The splotches splotched down to his neck. He took off his sleep time undershirt. More splotches. The splotches made a configuration. He turned around to look at his back. The splotches were bumpy. And ugly. So ugly he threw up. It was gross. The splotchy bumps were black and blue. And swollen. And hairy. And bubbly. Even a little oozy.
"Ew!" he yelled, when he saw the oozy part.
The splotches on his back made a configuration that spelled something. He had to flex his back muscles like a body builder to see the entire picture. It was painful.
"Ouch it burns!" he yelled.
He focused clearly to see what it spelled out. He read it aloud.
"Haa... haaa... haa.. I... got... you... this... tiiime." he sounded out. "Ahhhh!" he yelled, "I know who did this! It was Ding Ding!"
Halbert ran outside to his front yard. Sure enough, there was Ding Ding standing there laughing.
"Ha ha ha ha, I got you this time. Didn't I, Halbert?" said Ding Ding. That was Ding Ding's catchphrase.
"Damn you Ding Ding!" said Halbert.
"No! You deserved it and you know this to be true."
"I'll never admit that." said Halbert.
"Fine. I'm leaving."
"Ding Ding, wait. Just tell me how you did it?" said Halbert, referring to the splotchiness.
"It was easy," said Ding Ding, "I used your own family secret serum."
"What?! Impossible. Only my family knows that serum." said Halbert.
"Your father wanted me to know it. He said I was more of a son to him than you ever were!"
Halbert's late father, Dr. Dorman Bigjeans, was a great experimenter and Ding Ding was his loyal favorite assistant.
"Ding Ding! How do I get rid of the splotches?!" said Halbert.
"It's easy." said Ding Ding, "the cure is in the formula to the family's secret serum."
"Nooooo!" said Halbert.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" said Ding Ding, because Ding Ding knew that Halbert never paid attention to his father so he hadn't memorized the secret family serum.
Halbert was always busy being a hunky stud. Something his father always tried to teach him was secondary to secret serum making. The splotchy fate was Dr. Bigjeans' final gift to his vain young son. Ding Ding was the ultimate messenger. He got him this time.