Monday, February 23, 2015

Best Older Guys at the Firm

Dougie and Travis were the coolest older fellas at the office. They'd both been there for years. Both had positive attributes. Dougie was just a cool guy. Everybody liked how he acted in meetings over the years. He'd always have clever cool things to say. He'd also make direct eye contact with you and let you know that thought you were a good guy.

"Hey pal, you and me, we get each other!" he'd say.

Then you'd feel good.

"Thank you." you'd say.

The only thing about Dougie was he had this real strange looking facelift. Everyone wanted him to move up in the company and take off to great heights. But that facelift. Some just couldn't look at it. It was unfortunate, because he such a down to earth fella. But why would he get that facelift? That noticeable, tight, strange facelift that light reflected off of in a strange way. Yet he had such a personable and confident demeanor. He didn't seem like the type.

Then there Travis. Beloved Travis. Travis had been at the company even longer. He was hard to not love. Travis was a great dancer. He had distinct features, like beautiful eyes, a button chin and a flashy good-time smile. And did I mention those dance moves? How could anyone forget?

But the deal with Travis no one could wrap their brain around, he wore this strange, awful hairpiece. It stood on his head in the most unnatural way. It didn't even seem to match his original hairline. His real hair from years earlier didn't look like this fake hair. Why not just show the bald? Or find a hairpiece that looks like it's part of your head?

Oh another thing about Travis. Because the guy was a great trained dancer, as a hobby, he knew where to place his hand on a woman to make it look like he loved the women in a dancey and sensual way. But he was as gay as the sun was bright. He had a fake wife.

Why wouldn't he just let everyone know he was gay? No one would mind or be surprised. They just liked him how he was.

Oh another thing about Travis, he was a part of this strange cult that he would tell people about.

"I'm proud to be in my cult!" he'd say.
"Oh." others would say.
"It helps a lot of people."

But despite all these strange things, no one seemed to have a problem with these people. They were very loved.

One day Travis cornered Dougie in a bathroom stall. He laid a big kiss on Dougie.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." said Dougie.
"What's the problem?" asked Travis.
"Travis, babe. Buddy. I'm not... into you that way. But I love ya, buddy. You're a great guy." said Dougie.
"Okay, sorry, I must've misread something."
"Hey pal, no problem. I gotta say I'm flattered as all hell." said Dougie.
"Thanks. You're looking so young and fresh lately." said Travis.

Dougie's flesh looked especially tugged and tight.

"I gotta say your hair looks gorgeous. I love what you've done with it, babe." said Dougie.

And no one else was there to hear the exchange and determine if they were both being phony or sincerely honest and delusional about their compliments. It remained a mystery till the end of time.

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