Wednesday, February 18, 2015

The Unethical Country Singer

Big Willie Hogshaw busted out of the slammer. Well he was let out, because he served his time. But he liked to think he was bustin' out. Because he went out all bustin' and in a bust of glory.

He wasn't set on no straight line though. Big Willie Hogshaw had a score to settle.

"Which way to Nashville?" said Big Willie to the guard. The guard pointed. Wille set sail.

See, Willie had written a song years earlier about a lonesome night. It was a real personal song. One night he sang it to Earl Buckwinkle. Well after that, circumstances found Willie servin' time, cept his song about a lonesome night wasn't locked up with him. It was out there makin' a big livin' for one Earl Buckwinkle, country music star. And song thief.

Big Willie rambled his way over to Nashville. He went from recording studio to recording studio seekin' to collect a debt.

"I'm lookin' for Earl Buckwinkle." he'd say.
"We should be so lucky as to have a fantastic songwriter as Earl Buckwinkle in our studio." the studio people would say.

Then it'd get real tense like Big Willie was gonna trash the place, cuz you know, Earl didn't really write songs, he just stole Willie's. But Willie would just leave without trashing the place.

Finally he opened up the newspaper to the entertainment section. There his prayers were answered. Earl Buckwinkle was having a concert. Big Willie Hogshaw scraped some coins together and got hisself a ticket.

Earl Buckwinkle saddled the stage. He strapped on his little axe and strummed a few dull nothing tunes, a couple covers, then concluded the night with his big hit about a lonesome night. The crowd teared, cheered, hootened and hollarin'ed. The show ended. The crowd was satisfied and everyone went on with their evening. Earl took a gaggle of ladies to the back of the venue to pour some champagne and dip the ladies in his saloon themed hot tub.

"Ain't we livin' the life!?" laughed Earl.

Then Big Willie busted in. The ladies screamed and ran out of the hot tub covering their bare privates.

"Willie Hogshaw!" said Earl, "I thought you was locked up!"
Big Willie picked up Earl from the hot tub, by the neck.
"I'll bet you ain't never had a lonesome night." said Big Willie.
"Have you?"
"...No." said Earl.
"That's all I wanted to know." said Big Willie.

Then he dropped him back in the tub, went about his way to write many other songs about lonesome nights. But he didn't ever play 'em for anyone.

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