Sunday, June 21, 2015

The Dignified Muckhead

Muckhead was eating a barrel of chicken in the chicken barrel eating contest. His reward was an extra jar of mayonnaise. Obviously that mayonnaise jar would be pretty nice to have. What a fine prize! What a thing to enjoy! Wow a nice big extra jar of genuine mayo'd out mayonnaise. Muckhead had mayonnaise, but this was extra mayonnaise. Hard to look away from. Hard to resist. Hard to refuse. Hard not to get a little giddy about. So many uses for it. Such a fine reserve of such a fine product. A true motivator for any common man.

Bloag was a fellow Muckhead knew. Bloag was eating that chicken in the chicken barrel eating contest too. Muckhead had a hard time even feeling competitive about the chicken barrel eating contest because he lovd the chicken barrel eating so much to begin with.

"Go on eat that goddamn chicken barrel chicken fellas! Don't you want that big jug of extra MAYONNAISE!!?" said the ringleaders of the chicken barrel eating contest.

Smickle-dickle walked up to Muckhead and Bloag and ignored Muckhead and looked right at Bloag and said "Bloag! You should just stop eating that chicken barrel, and walk up to that jar of extra mayonnaise and pick up and grab it and go have your way with that extra mayonnaise however you see fit. Because baby I think you should have it!"
"Heh, thanks Smickle-dickle. I do think I should get it. It'd be nice to have all that extra mayonnaise." said Bloag. Then he turned back to gobbling.

Muckhead did want the mayonnaise too. "It would be nice." he thought. But he was enjoying that chicken barrel. Bloag also liked Muckhead. Bloag didn't want to offend Muckhead. Bloag took a pause from mercilessly gobbling down some chicken barrel. He turned to Muckhead.

"Oh...uh.. hey Muckhead... Were you hoping to get that extra mayonnaise?" Muckhead stopped. He got nervous. He felt on the spot. He couldn't look Bloag in the eyes. "Um, uh. Well, um... I like the chicken from the barrel. I mean I'm not one to... if you were super into... er... I don't know."

Muckhead didn't want to talk about it with Bloag. He felt icky about it. For some reason Muckhead felt it was undignified to compete. Maybe Muckhead felt the mayonnaise ought to just be given to him. To bend over backwards or face the confrontation of discussing his desire for it would be petty. It would be phony. It would be phlegmy. Bloag really was after that extra mayonnaise. Like a mayonnaise viking. Bloag turned on the super speed and gobbled down the chicken barrel and guess what? He was rewarded with an extra jar of mayonnaise. He left a literal victor. The winner.

"The extra jar of mayonnaise goes to... Bloag, obviously!!" rang in Muckhead's ears.

And Muckhead himself? Well he went home to a pile of plain sandwiches, a clean spatula, and a dry toilet seat that would have loved an extra jar of oversized mayonnaise. It was a sad and lonely sight.

Muckhead thought about it. Did Muckhead maintain his dignity? Should he have aggressively fought for the jar of mayonnaise. Did Muckhead stop a bridge from burning? Would Bloag really have minded if Muckhead walked away with the extra mayonnaise? Did Muckhead really need that extra mayonnaise? He actually had his own mayonnaise. He did get to eat lots of chicken from the barrel, which he enjoyed. His fill! He was loaded with chicken barrel chicken, that's for sure. He also even still had his personal, private original jar of initial mayonnaise... It was a nice jar. It was something, right? He had a lot. He didn't do too bad ...But he didn't feel special. Which is what that extra jar of mayonnaise was going to make him feel.

1 comment:

chris said...