Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Bryce the Futuretime Bartender

Bryce Witherstone was a guy who had a thing in his ear and it made him not hear so well. He went and bartended on the side, but was bad at it because of his hearing.

"Could I have a drink!?" said a customer.
"Could you have dream?!? Well I hope so, R.E.M. sleep is the most important sleep!" said Bryce.
"No I want a drink!"
"Oh you want a drink! Ha. I should have known that, I'm a bartender. This happens all the time. My hearing is bad." explained Bryce.
"No problem." said the customer.

Sometimes customers weren't so friendly.

Bryce had tiny fingers. One day Bryce stuck his tiny fingers in his ear and got a hold of something. It was a thick coating of hardened fluid. He used to live in the desert and would go to the snow continent every other month for work. He had weird jobs for the ice mob that made him have to travel a lot. He was a dry town hitman and an icetown hitman. This was prior to his bartending days. But also in the future. Because in the future the only towns besides the ones Bryce bartended in were icetowns and drytowns. Glad to catch you up real quick. Anyway so he used to travel a lot to these towns and that would cause skull and skin fluid to harden. That's why his hearing was bad. Also his fingers were small because evolution.

So Bryce stuck his little fingers in his ears and gripped a hard piece of hard thing. He pulled.

"Ah! Ouch! Ah! Ooh." he said, because it hurt real bad, but also kind of felt good. He didn't know if he was doing damage or doing good. It felt like he was pulling a little bit of brain out of his head, but maybe it was like dried unused brain. That's what he thought. He wanted to keep pulling. He did. It felt good.

He kept pulling.
"Eeee, ooh. Yess!" he said.
Then Judgey Virginia walked in.
"Ew what are you doing?" said Judgey Virginia.
"Um, nothing." said Bryce, putting his hands down.
"No, I saw you yanking something from your ear and acting like it felt all orgasmic. You're gross."
"No I'm not. And no I wasn't." said Bryce.
"Yeah, you are, and I'm gonna tell people." she said.
Then she walked away.

Bryce was embarrassed and mad. He thought he'd kill her. He didn't want her telling people. Also killing was legal, this was the future and when too many people started to be on the planet with not enough resources, killing became allowed. But he still felt like killing was wrong, even though he used to do it for a living. So he fought the urge to kill her. He was a bartender now. Not a killer.

So Virginia went and told everyone he was gross. But he was okay with it because it was a ice and dry dystopian future world and everyone was gonna die and everyone's skin was bad and so what who cares what that bitch said about him, she was dumb anyway, and if she was a pain in the ass to Bryce she was probably a pain in the ass to someone else and anyone important would probably agree. The end.

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