Doug the Dentist was corrupt and he stole a bunch of diamonds from this old windbag lady who was dying and he schmoozed her and wooed her and made her think she had a sexy body toward the end of her life and he would be sneakin' diamonds out of her house all the time.
"You're gorgeous and rich and what a smile, I should know, I'm a trained dentist." said Dr. Doug.
"Oooh you are one firm and sensual young man who knows how to get my juices going." said the old windbag. She was wrong too. He was not sensual and he was 52 years old with a doughy gut.
He milked that old dying cow for years until she finally ate dust and left him some scratch in her will. But with her dead and her estate and belongings in question, the surviving family members got anxious.
"I can't wait to get those diamonds she always had so I can sell them." said the daughter.
"I want to sell some of them too." said the son.
"The will says a bit here goes to Doug the dentist, and some of this other stuff goes to the kids." said the lawyer.
The "other stuff" for the kids included, if they could track them down, the old windbag's diamonds. But Doug the Dentist had lifted them slowly from her possession for years.
"Hey we can't find the diamonds. Where are they?" said the kids.
Doug the Dentist was nervous so he started hiding them in patients teeth. The patients didn't know. But he didn't tell the patients. He was dumb. Some of the patients started to move away and some started to die too so he couldn't get a hold of them or get them back. He'd call the patients in for "free checkups" when he needed to get his diamonds back.
He started confiding in his close friend, the also corrupt Dr. Gheri Smutz, about the diamonds. Smutz was a real doctor so he was a little smarter. He was a urologist.
"I think I have an idea of where you can hide the diamonds." said Smutz.
"In your patients urethras?" said Dr. Doug.
"No, that's a terrible idea!"
"Oh." said Doug, embarrassed. He was intimidated by Gheri's success so he put him in a higher status position. "Well where?" he continued.
"I'll bury them... in my rectum." said Gheri.
"Okay." said Doug.
But Gheri was a sneaky urologist who was very greedy and he took all those diamonds and first put them in his rectum for fun, then he realized he should travel to Switzerland and put them in a Swiss deposit box. So he kept them in his rectum for the plain ride. Then he left them there.
No one really knew what to do with these diamonds. They were just diamonds. Gheri was rich anyway. He just wanted the diamonds because some people are bad guys and assholes. Gheri Smutz was also one of those doctors who rushed people when he had appointments with them.
"Mmmhmm... Mhmm... Mhm." he said loud and hard when his patients talked. What a piece of shit.