Saturday, May 9, 2015

The Johnsons' Church Day

Barf Johnson and his wife Piss Johnson, and their six beautiful kids, Shit, Puke, Skid, Jizz, Fuck and Snot Johnson all got up early for church.

They drove together as a family in the minivan.

"Are you kids going to pray real good?" said Barf Johnson, then he smiled to his pretty wife Piss, as they waited for the answer.
"I can't wait to say my happy prayers." said Little Shit.
"Aww isn't that sweet?" said Piss.
"What about the rest of you?" said Barf.
"I love church!" said Puke.
"Ya do?" said Barf.
"Just get me in that pew and watch me pray!" said Puke.
"We've raised a good boy." said Barf to Piss.
"Isn't anyone else excited about church?" asked Piss.
"Mom, Jizz has my toy and won't give it back to me!" said Skid.
"Jizz, is that true?" asked Barf.
"Skid keeps waving the toy in my face so I took it away and sat on it." said Jizz.
"Well give it back to Skid and Skid stop waving it in your sister Jizz's face. She's a girl and girls are very concerned about their faces, you hear me?" said Barf.
"Aw dad, why'd you say that? I'm so embarrassed now." said Jizz. Then she sat there with her arms crossed and pouted.

Barf was concerned. He leaned over to his wife Piss.
"Honey, what did I say wrong?" Barf asked.
"Oh don't worry, Jizz is just going through a phase. She's at that age, you know." said Piss.
"They grow up so fast." said Barf, smiling.

Suddenly Barf hit a pothole, it didn't cause any damage, but Fuck spilled his apple juice on his sister Snot.

"Mom! Fuck spilt juice on meee!" said Snot.
"I knew we should have made you take a lid, Fuck." said Piss, in a motherly tone.
"I want mo' joose." said Fuck in a real cute voice, he had a childish speech impediment.
"Awww." said everyone in the car.

Then they went to church, had a great family Sunday, and had a lot of ham for lunch.

No comments: