Sunday, May 3, 2015

The Pee Rug Experience

Hampton had to urinate real bad. He was a few feet away from the restroom and standing on Jeffy's rug. Hampton didn't want to stop eating his piece of cheese.

"Yom num, yom num, yom num." he said, chewing on his cheese.
"This sure is good." he continued through his smacking.

Hampton was enjoying his cheese so much he was certain a trip to the bathroom would disrupt his cheese eating pleasure experience. So he just let his pee guard down and relaxed it out right through his pants and onto Jeffy's rug. Sure the pee tinkled through his pants and soaked his sock, but the rug got the brunt of it, no big deal. And that cheese!

Well Hampton was having a great time. That is until Jeffy came in and sloshed on some of Hampton's pee.

"What in the world!?" said Jeffy.
"I... what?" said Hampton, still holding a cube of cheese.
"Is that--? You peed!" said Jeffy.

Hampton was so into his cheese and personal convenience that he hadn't really thought about anything else. It was a real weak moment for him.

"Oh, I... -er, uh..." said Hampton.
"This is all so gross! And I love this rug. And now I'm dealt this situation?! What have I done?"
"Um..." Hampton was embarrassed.

Hampton tried to think quick to justify the pee puddle situation. The truth usually sets one free so he queued up the truth in his brain: I was enjoying this piece of cheese so much that I peed everywhere instead of stopping to pee in the toilet. That one didn't seem so freeing. Hampton withheld that truth.

"I... I'm mentally ill." said Hampton.
"What?" said Jeffy, incredulously. As people don't have much patience for mentally ill people really.
"Yes. I've got a condition in my brain, so my body doesn't know when it is doing things like urinating sometimes! How embarrassing!!" said Hampton, playing up on the embarrassment as a ploy for sympathy.

Jeffy stood there and thought for a moment. "Ah... krap. Well, I didn't realize you had that pee body mental condition. And I can see you are embarrassed. Shoot. Don't worry about it. I understand these things happen." said Jeffy.
"Phew!" said Hampton, relieved Jeffy believed his brain condition story.
"Phew?" asked Jeffy, because it was clear that's how Hampton meant it.
"I mean, yeah. Like Phew, glad you don't hate me!." said Hampton.
"Oh yeah. No worries, man." said Jeffy.

Then Hampton left and tracked pee out of the house. He felt bad and was nice to everyone he saw for like five days straight, as a penance for his dishonesty, then he pushed the pee rug experience out of his brain and went back to being how he normally was.

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