Friday, May 8, 2015

The Best Work Excuses

Horpadoo didn't want to do his paperwork.

"Aw shoot it's all this reading and typing and reading more and looking stuff up. Then making copies and sending it to spreadsheet corporate office so that I can make a new one! Shoot! I don't want to do it." said Horpadoo.
"Too bad you gotta, it's your job you duckface!" said Bosso the Doppo.
"Oh man, you're such a mean boss, Bosso." Horpadoo said to Bosso the Doppo. "Boy, what kind of cursed life is this, anyway?!" Horpadoo said to his Lord and personal savior in the sky.
"Get on it." said Bosso.

Horpadoo dragged his feet.
"Darn, if only I had some sort of loved one died or I got cancer!" said Horpadoo.

Then he got a great idea. He would tell Bosso the Doppo he was cancered and his loved one was dying. So he did that.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." said Bosso the Doppo.
"Yeah, it's so hard, but anyway I'd love to keep talking about the cancer and dying loved one, but I have to do these spreadsheet copies for reading and type time." said Horpadoo.

Bosso the Doppo thought introspectively, then took a sigh to himself, looked at the ground, then looked up at Horpadoo.

"Hey Horpadoo?"
"Yeah, Bosso the Doppo, did you need something? I'm just in the middle of working hard on these work hard read sheet copies."
"Yeah. I do. I need you to go take a break and take care of yourself. I insist. You have important things." said Bosso.
"Oh shoot, but I want to do this hard work so bad."
"I know, but hay, since you got dying cancer stuff in your life. I'm gonna take the work instead."
"Aw man, ugh, dang, shoot, just ONE more thing this cancer stuff is screwing up in my life. Shoot, shoot, shoot!" said Horpadoo. Then he secretly grinned to himself.

Horpadoo was in the money. Off the hook. Feelin' great. He took some confident relieved big strides out toward the doorway until--

"Oh, Horpadoo?" said Bosso the Doppo.
"Yeah, Bosso?"
"Just a formality, you think you could just send me an authenticated government sealed copy of your doctor's cancer diagnosis and mother's proof of dying or whatever?" said Bosso the Doppo.

Horpadoo's face went red.
"Your face is red, Horpadoo."
"Uh yeah it's a symptom of loved one dying." said Horp.

But Horpadood was busted. Now he had to go to the doc to get tested for dying and stuff. He went and got his results back. The results were that he was dying of cancer and then he was like "Yessss no worksheets to do for real now!" Then he went back to Bosso the Doppo and showed him the formality cancer diagnosis.

"Yo Bosso the Doppo, check it out! I got cancer for real I'm dying, read 'em and weep!!!" he said slamming down the cancer diagnosis paper.

Horpadoo smiled and thought to himself, "Now I get to die and not do any of the stupid work I didn't wanna do--score!"
"What about your dying loved one?" said Bosso.

The jig was up.
"Ya got me." said Horpadoo.
"You're fired." said Bosso the Doppo.

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