Saturday, July 11, 2015

Squeaky Clean Jerry's Dark Side

Squeaky Clean Jerry was polished and pretty and moralistic and handsome and you knew he had all this dark stuff going on underneath him. Everyone knew it. There was no proof but everyone knew. Squeaky Clean Jerry had money and spent on things that were nice for himself and nice for others.

"Hello and how are you today, my friend." said Squeaky Clean Jerry to the host at the nice restaurant.

Squeaky Clean Jerry had friends in high places and was nice to friends in low places. He was so nice. His hair was like a nice square box of regular white man haircut. When it was bright he wore his protective sunglasses. Squeaky Clean Jerry had a healthy work out regimen and a firm body.

Then one day Squeaky Clean Jerry was in the news! The news report was about how he was helping out with a construction of a veteran's hospital. Not about how he had a secret double life or anything. Nothing about anything wrong that he had done.

"That sure is nice of Squeaky Clean Jerry to help with that hospital and also donate money to building it." said people who read the paper and didn't know that he probably maybe had some dark stuff going on underneath in his life.

"Something is going to come out about Squeaky Clean Jerry any day now." said a Squeaky Clean Jerry naysayer.
"I bet he's a whipper, and a beater, and a sniffer. And he has rage eyes." said naysayer #2.

But a few years went by and nothing bad came out about Squeaky Clean Jerry. He had a few patches of grey settle into his head of box looking hair and stuff was going smoothly.

Then one day a crinkity prostitute walked up to Squeaky Clean Jerry's door and knocked on it. Squeaky Clean Jerry's pretty and handsome wife, who was wearing a nice dress, answered the door.

"Hellow Rhy yam mrooking fror Skreeky Kreen Zarry!!" said the crinkity prostitute.
"What are you looking for him for?" said the nice wife, who had previously been in the middle of filling out paperwork for some businessy thing she did, but now had a look of concern on her face.

Then the crinkity prostitute started coughing.
"Iye year eee yelppsh peeeble hoo neeed delp! Dat da whurd on da shreete." she said, when she finished coughing.
"That is true." said the nice wife.

Then Squeaky Clean Jerry put the crinkity prostitute in touch with a rehabilitation center that he worked with and she got cleaned up in many ways. Then more years went by and Squeaky Clean Jerry's dark depraved unsound side hadn't come out. Then Squeaky Clean Jerry died of natural causes. Maybe he never had a dark depraved side of any significance. It  was a pretty easy assertion to make though, because he was so squeaky clean. Guess he was just a nice guy though.

1 comment:

chris said...

The Dark Side: