Blondie got in a fight with Red at the local saloon.
Dirt Ed liked it.
"My hair is better than yours." said Red.
"You ain't got what I got." said Blondie.
"Thank the Lord, Amen!" said Red.
Dirt Ed smiled.
"What kinda product you use in your hair? Lactic acid?" said Red.
"I'll bet you ain't a natural." said Blondie.
Dirt Ed took a swig of some beer with crud flakes around the rim of the glass.
"This is gettin' good." said Dirt Ed.
Blondie poured a Pina Colada drink on Red's sweater. Red was mad about that, so she punched Blondie in the boob. Blondie leaned over nauseated.
"Ooh we might have a victor." said Dirt Ed.
Blondie came back up with an uppercut to Red's nose. Red's nose bled and the blood dribbled down to her red lipstick. Red grabbed a vodka shot and shot it into Blondie's face then took a cigarette lighter and lighted her hair on fire.
"Uh oh I don't like this anymore." said Dirt Ed.
Blondie screamed and start batting her head. Burly Juffy came running with a pitcher of water and dumped it on Blondie's head. Blondie'd had a lot of product on her hair. the left side of her head was charred and the right side was still blonde.
"I'm gonna kill you!" screamed a crazed Blondie.
Red screamed too as Blondie tackled her and ripped her to the ground. They scuffled and screamed as they ripped each other to shreds. Red had red scratch marks on her face. Blondie bled all over Red. Red tried to grab Blondie's scalp. When she pulled her hand back there were stringy lines of gooey charred flesh that stuck to Red's fingers, like rubber cement.
They punched and fought and screamed for what seemed like hours until the police showed up. The both of these feisty women had done major damage that would not be repaired without the serious aid of reconstructive surgery.
When interviewed by the police Dirt Ed sobbed, "It started out kind of fun and playful, but it quickly turned into one of the most horrible things I've ever witnessed. And there was nothing I could do to stop it."
See, Dirt Ed was confined to a broken wheelchair. It couldn't even roll. He spent most of his time in the saloon and had to be carted around. He would have broken up the fight when it got really nasty, if he could have walked or rolled.