Thursday, January 29, 2015

The Smooch Awakening

Ray Buggs was a light sleeper and he also had crumbs in his bed, which didn't help. One morning he was awoken at 4am by the sound of his pervert neighbors kissing too hard.

"Ooh baby mwah." said the man neighbor.
"Ooh kiss me harder." said the lady neighbor.
"Yeah baby mwah mwah." said the man.
"You're so cute!" said the lady.
"You're cute too mwah." said the man.

Ray Buggs tried to put a pillow over his head, but the smooching just seemed to get louder.

"Mwah mwah mwah." they slobbered to each other.
"Will you perverts keep it down please?!" shouted Ray Buggs.
"Mwah mwah mwah." they continued.

Ray tried plugging his ears. He tried burying his head in more pillows. He tried playing a peaceful song really loud to sooth him to sleep. It only woke him up more. And nothing drowned out the loud slobbery smooches.

"That's it!" he said.

And he got out of bed, changed in nightgown and panties into slippers and sweatpants, and marched over to his neighbors door.

"Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!" said his fist, pounding on the door.

Craggy Peppers, an old feller who was asleep opened the door.
"What in the heck is going on in the world here?!" he said, rubbing the crud crust out of his old eyes.
"You perverts are smooching too loud I can't sleep!" said Ray Buggs!
"What?! Not me. My wife sleeps with her mouth open so it's dry as a desert in there. You won't get no slobbery smooch noise outta her! Plus she's sleep!" said Craggy Peppers.
"Oh... Sorry." said Ray.

Then he headed over to the other neighbors whom the smooch noises surely belonged to, along the way he realized he needed to push his garbage cans to the curb for trash day. So he did that. He also noticed the grass was getting pretty long so he cut it. He started thinking of all kinds of things he needed to do. He did them all and was very productive that morning, all before 7am. He realized the neighbor's smooching noises were a gift. He patented an alarm clock that wakes you up with the sounds of people kissing hard. It was sold at a gadgety chain store you can find in a mall. And also in those stupid catalogs you read on airplanes. Ray Buggs made a total of twenty two dollars off this invention.

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