Sunday, January 4, 2015

Sally the Salad Eating Ice Skater

Sally was skating in the Ice Capades in 1979. It was her dream and she'd finally made it. She was wowing the crowd with her Capades compadres. They were cutting that ice up. Then Jan showed up.

"Hey Sally, it's me Jan, I've been looking all over for you!" said Jan.
"Uh Jan, do you mind? I'm in the middle of skating in the Ice Capades." said Sally, out the side of her mouth.
"It won't take long I just need you to recommend a good dentist." said Jan.
"Hey that one lady's not ice dancing!" shouted someone from the crowd.
"Hey lady get off the ice!" said another crowd person.
"Be careful you don't slip!" shouted a concerned person in the crowd.
"What's that lady doing there? I'm confused." mumbled a man in the crowd to his wife.
"I think it's part of the show." responded the wife.
"I don't go to the dentist, my husband's a dentist, now beat it!" said Sally, as she held a smile.
"Gee you're in great shape," said Jan, "that sleek sequined icetard you're wearing really shows what a great body you've got."

Sally continued dancing with the rest of them. Dancing all around. Wherever she went, Jan would follow. It really distorted the symmetry of the choreography.

"Hey does anyone ever call you Salad? Like Sally? Like as a nickname? Cuz they kinda sound alike. And you have such a great body. As if all you eat is salad. Hey they could call you Iceberg Salad! Because you're on the ice!" said Jan, "Isn't that clever of me to come up with? It's cold here."
"Why doesn't someone get her off?" shouted an audience person.
"She's ruining the beautiful symmetry of the Ice Capades!" shouted someone.

Tommy Dorchester the ticket taker of the auditorium where the Ice Capades were being held ran out onto the ice to try to get Jan off. His slippy-running and shiny yellow and black jacket clashed even more with the beautiful symmetry.

"...Anyway so I got this little sticky pocket in my back molar I've been picking at with a fork, and I knew your husband was a dentist so I wanted to see if..." Boom! Tommy Dorchester tackled Jan.

The audience cheered. But it was the exact same time as Rico Mendes did a beautiful ice spin. So it was hard to tell what they were cheering at. Maybe it was both things.

Tommy dragged Jan off the ice. The following morning there was a meeting about how security needed to be tightened for events like these, because in 1979 there was little to no security for the Ice Capades.

And that's how security for the Ice Capades got heavier.

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