"Juicy John says to love church." said Big Greasy Larry to anyone who ever complained about the problems they had. That was Big Greasy Larry's solution, because it was Reverend Juicy John, Sr.'s.
Reverend Juicy John, Sr. was a great and charismatic motivator to Big Greasy Larry.
So anyway, back to this remote situation. Big Greasy Larry sat on the couch and panicked. He looked to his left then to his right but the remote control was on neither side.
"Where is the remote control?!" Big Greasy Larry shouted. His shout echoed through his home. He wasn't shouting to anyone in particular, he was shouting it to himself and to the world.
This really stressed him out. He thought about what Reverend Juicy John, Sr. might suggest.
"Hmm Juicy John says to love the church. And I do love the church. So I better get to the church to figure out how to solve this stress situation." said Big Greasy Larry to himself.
Big Greasy Larry got his ass to church and knelt before the Church Lord and sang some prayers.
"Dear Church Lord, please help me find the remote control."
"Do you know where it was when you last saw it?" boomed the voice of the Church Lord.
"I was using it on the couch."
"Did you lift up the cushions?"
"No I didn't think to do that."
"Can't you just tell me exactly where it is, all-knowing Church Lord?"
"No. The Church Lord works in mysterious ways."
"So true. So true." said Big Greasy Larry.
"Have you caught any recent episodes of I Love Church?" asked Church Lord.
"Yes, that's why I am stressing about finding my remote, I don't want to miss today's episode."
"Okay I'll let you get back home to watch it. Thanks for stopping by, it gets kind of lonely."
"I'm sorry about the loneliness. Did you try loving the church? That's what Reverend Juicy John, Sr. says."
"Yes I tried it. I'll try that a little more."
"Okay feel better." said Big Greasy Larry.
"Bye." said Church Lord.
Big Greasy Larry went home and the remote wasn't under the cushions it was where he had been sitting. He just didn't think to look there.