Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Great Job Interview

Howard had an interview for a job. He walked into the room to interview for it with Jerry.

"Hey Howard, I'm the boss around here. How are you today?" said Jerry.
"I ate too much because I don't love myself and was hoping that would make me feel loved!"
"Ha ha that's funny!" said Howard.
"No I mean it, I'm telling the truth, I'm no liar."
"Oh. Well listen, I love your resume, it's really impressive."
"Thanks, it's all lies. Nothing on it is true."
"Oh. Well it was a great read."
"Thanks I wrote it myself."
"You're very talented. I like that."
"Thanks, I think I'd make a terrible employee, you shouldn't hire me."
"I'm the boss, I'll be the judge of that."
"Is this job a lot of pressure?"
"Only when I sit on you."
"Get it? Pressure!"
"How often do you sit on me?" asked Howard.
"Only when you sit in my seat." said Jerry.
"What if I stand in your seat?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
"Sorry I get overwhelmed with all the possibilities."
"There's a lot of opportunities to move up in this job."
"I lack motivation."
"I like your go get em attitude though."
"My attitude is a bad attitude."
"It seems okay. How bad could it be?"
"Ooh that's bad. We'll have to work on that."
"I don't work well with others."
"I'd love to have you on our team."
"I don't have any experience."
"Do you want the job?"
"Great, you're hired!"

They sat there for a second.

"Okay." said Howard.
"Let's walk out of my office shaking hands so everyone can see." said Jerry.

Howard and Jerry walked out through the waiting room. Irwin the applicant had been waiting. He stood up.

"Mr. Jerry I have lots of experience and a great portfolio. I went to grad school and my requirements for the position are through the roof, I can problem solve any problem you put in front of me, have many award winning theories on how to increase revenue, and this packet I designed has the details and examples to prove it. Give me a shot and ask me the challenging questions, I guarantee my answers will impress and satisfy." said Irwin.
"What's up, nerd. We hired this guy instead." said Jerry.
"Hi I'm a failure." said Howard.
"Oh congratulations. I guess I'll go home and give up on my dreams." said Irwin.
"Bye Irwin." said Howard and Jerry.

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