Sunday, April 26, 2015

Grace the Troublemaker

Grace impulse bought a dress. She got it home and it was too baggy for her.

"Hey who wants this dress it's real baggy, who here likes baggy?" she said to all her lady friends who wore dresses.
"I want baggy!" said Marcie.
"I want baggy more!" said Harriet.
"Guess you two gotta fight to the death." said Grace.

Marcie and Harriet duked it out for the baggy dress. It was bloody and gross. Spatter spattered all over staining the dresses they were wearing. They were required to wear dresses. Just as Harriet was about to make the fatal blow to Marcie's face, the FBI showed up.

"You're coming with us ladies." said the FBI.

But they weren't coming with the FBI because they were in trouble. They were coming with the FBI for safety. See, Grace was a cult leader who was very influential on these ladies and she had tremendous power and sway. When she said fight to the death they felt they had to. She also had a cult rule that they had to wear dresses, that's why they were fighting over who wore the baggy dress.

FBI had been monitoring the cult for a while. Then some documentarians came and started filming for a big documentary that would air years later and cause everyone to talk about their opinions of the cult.

Grace was gonna go to juvenile hall. Grace's dad showed up.

"Grace you been bad girl!" said Grace's dad. He didn't speak English very well because he only spoke Japanese, even though he was born in Nebraska, but he was part of a Nebraska public schools Japanese immersion program as a child, and his parents died so he got stuck in the immersion program and forgot English. So his English never really grew in.

Grace was only 17 when all this crazy cult stuff was happening. Dad was disappointed. He grounded her. He was also a lawyer for Japanese businessmen in Japan. He had to fly to Japan a lot for cases. But he was so good he was able to convince Japan to try his daughter's case there. He was that good. She didn't get in any trouble because of him.

She outgrew her cult leader phase and got real into playing clarinet and dating. Then she also took up sculpture as a hobby.

"Look I sculpted a bird." she said.
"I see a spiked boot." said her friend.
"It's not abstract. It's a bird." she said.
"Ha ha ha." said her sculpture buddies.

Then the documentary about Grace's cult came out people became mad at her and she was mad people were mad then she started a new cult, which I am a member of and it's really great and not bad at all and I've never been happier I finally have a place where I belong and a place to believe in please read the literature and understand how your connection to your finances is controlling you and everything you love please come to me and us join us now.

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