Tuesday, April 28, 2015

June the Toothgrinder

June grinded her teeth too much. She did it when she was nervous and she did it when she slept. She slept nervous. She went to the dentist, she prescribed a mouthguard. But she was one of those shyster dentists, (Did you notice how I said she was a shyster dentist? That's right, ladies can be shyster dentists too, though you'd be right in thinking that shyster dentists are more often men), anyway so the mouthguard Dr. Kylie Sherbluda prescribed was way too much money for June. So June didn't get her mouthguard.

"Isn't there a cheaper mouthguard?" asked June.
"Oh no no no no, you're gonna want the good mouthguard, or your mouth won't be guarded as well." said Dr. Sherbluda.

Dr. Sherbluda was taking payola from the mouthguard company to shill these expensive mouthguards on the poor nervous patients. Who was there to stick up for nervous patients rights? No one. Sad bleak world. Very bleak.

So bleak that June went and grinded her teeth more. She grinded them down to grits. Then June went back to the bad lady dentist.

"My teeth are grits because I'm still nervous."
"I can build you new teeth." said Dr. Sherbluda.
"Okay please do."
"It'll cost ya." said Dr. Sherbluda.
"Eh... I guess it's worth it." she June.

Dr. Sherbluda gave June a new big set of big big teeth. They were very horselike. June was still nervous even though those big teeth made her look confident. June was a car salesperson and she sold more cars at work.

"Thish babee will drahve all day and chruise zh'all neeight." she said, trying hard to wrap her mouth around the words she spoke.

But she kept staying nervous and grinding her teeth, eventually she grinded those big fake horseteeth back down to normal size. Then she bought the expensive mouthguard. Dr. Sherbluda won that round. Such is life.


Ronnie Peace said...
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Ronnie Peace said...

Who'd have thunk it that ladies can be shyster dentists too. There's a lesson for young girls - don't limit yourself.
Well played, Josh.