Sunday, April 12, 2015

The Bitter Narrator

Hey what's up? I'm Todd the Narrator. I'm the narrator of this story. Listen, I don't want to tell it, I'll be honest.

"Why?" said the reader.
Ugh. Well for one I'm really exhausted, I was up late last night, and I've just been narrating so much lately.
"Oh geez. I'm sorry. Do you need to take a break? Or like do you need me to come back?" said the reader.

No, no. It's fine, I can power through it, I guess, it's just that like this story isn't that great of a story so it's hard to get excited about telling it, on top of me just being so tired, you know?
"Hmm well what's it about?" you ask.

Ugh, well it's about this girl, Meagan, and she like mails a letter to a slightly mystical celebrity person, like Santa, and doesn't expect to hear back and she gets a response. It's not that great a story. Just being honest.

"Is that all it's about? I'm kind of intrigued. You sure you don't want to go on?" you said, just now.
"What's wrong, you're being difficult." said the reader, annoyingly.
I'm not being difficult, it's just... Okay, there's some challenging material in the story and I don't feel like telling it.
"Challenging? Like what?" you pried.

Like there's a bunch of stuff in the story about a child molester.
"Oh, yikes." said the reader.
Yeah, a child molester. There. Happy?
"No." said the reader.
Yeah pretty unpleasant stuff, you sure you wanna hear about it? It's real descriptive.
"No, no that would make feel awful."

...I lied. There's nothing in the story about a child molester. I was trying to get you to stop reading.
"What's your problem, man? I didn't do anything to you." said the reader, "Just tell me about Meagan."

Ahh, that's the problem. I'm supposed to like really gloat about Meagan and make her out like she's great. But let me tell you, I met her once and she was like kind of a jerk. Sorry I made it too personalized. I'll get out of here now.

"Well wait! What happens to her in the end?" you wanted to know.

Ahh nothing she mailed her stupid letter and the celebrity Santa character responded, she became a hero, and now she's like doing great. Good for her. Whatever. I'm sure she's really happy.
"Maybe if you were in her position you'd have a whole new set of problems." thought the reader.

Hmm... that's a good point. And then I, Todd the Bitter Narrator pondered the point.

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