Monday, August 17, 2015

The Jiminy Solutions

Jiminy Siegfred was a fine distinguished businessman who wore a slim fitting three piece suit and spoke with all flowery language and stuff.

"That'll do." he'd say. And other stuff he'd say too like "I'd rather not." and "Most definitely." You know, real fancy talk. One day he was in a meeting with some associates to discus you know finances and subsidies.

"Do you think this this is thing we might invest in?" said Millimer, his associate.
"I'm liable to think so." said Jiminy. More fancy talk, right?
"Hmmph." scoffed Millimer.

There was a moment where Jiminy was taken a back. Kind of awkward like.

"Why do you gesture in such a way?" asked Jiminy.
"I just wouldn't think you'd be so risk-taking." said Millimer.
"Me?" said Jiminy.
"Indeed." said Millimer. You know, fancy-like, too.
"Uh... Well that's silly."
"Impressive you're showing some spine." said Millimer.

Jiminy knew in his spine that his spine meant gut and he knew in his gut that his gut meant balls. But Jiminy wasn't going to say anything. He left business work that day and didn't go home. He thought. He thought hard. He thought he was risky. He overthought. He obsessed. He was obsessive in general. But this was a new can of obsession worms. Who at work didn't think of him that way? He wanted names. He wanted vindication. He wanted vengeance. Then he wanted to just calm down. He did his fancy erudite version of huffing and puffing.

Where was he? He had driven so far and long in his fancy Cadillacky-Rollsy-Adult-Success-car. That he had found himself int he middle of nowhere. Long down the road he saw a cruddy light glisten. It was a fill station. He was due to fill up so "Phew" he thought to himself. He perused around the aisles of gas station, lost in his insecurity. Then...


He saw them. Those really cool "truck-balls" that cool trucks have. Suddenly his spine seemed to firm up. It was as if each vertebrae was scaled with two testicles, the size of these truck balls, which he attached to his Cadillacky-Rollsy-Adult-Success-car.

For the rest of his life he rode the road to risk and Millimer shoved those balls up his mouth. One day though someone made a comment about Jiminy aging and it made Jiminy feel bad again so he got a really cool face lift and new white teeth. He was invincible after that.

1 comment:

chris said...

Artfart here.